Wind in the sails

What would happen if I....

2008-06-28T00:35:00.002-05:00

Started writing here again? Would anyone notice? Would BJ befriend me in blog-world again? :) I have a lot to say, so I might just come back. I'll do my best, but we all know what that's looked like in the past. Anyway, just sending this out there, and asking myself if I can find the time...I hope so...I miss this old friend :)

Meet Brian

2006-11-24T22:11:00.000-06:00

Hi friends. I'd like to introduce you to Brian. He's a little taller than me and a litle older than me, and he has the most beautiful blue-green I've ever seen. He has a friendly smile and a firm handshake; a pleasant voice and a kind face. He's very humble and courteous. He likes ketchup and mustard on his hotdogs and hamburgers, and he also loves pizza. We just met on Wednesday, but I've had him on my mind since then. Most boys don't have that kind of power:) He really caught my attention when I first saw him. I was with my mom in the car and I asked her to stop so I could go talk to him. She stopped. I'm so glad she did...

I met Brian on the side of a busy road here in the Chicago area. He was hold a sign that said, "I'm hungry." No promise to work for food, no explanation, just "I'm hungry." On the day before America eats itself sick with abundance, it's all my mom and I needed to see. My mom pulled into a gas station nearby and I went over and talked to him. He was so gentle, so kind, so humble. We introduced ourselves, and I asked him what he would like and he said, "the cheapest thing around, m'am." I told him that he could pick and he wouldn't, so I just made some guesses. I got him lunch and dinner for that day, and enough food for a few days after. This took awhile, so by the time I got back, he had started to walk away from where he had been sitting. I jumped out of the car and ran over to him with the food, and he looked surprised. The look in his eyes told me that most people don't usually actually help him out. He just smiled, said many thank you's and God bless you's and then kept walking. While I was getting the food, I had been imagining sitting down with him and talking, finding out his story and how I could help him more. I wanted to do more, say more, be more for him, but it's not the way it worked out. I can only pray that a little food is enough to make a difference. Some of you are probably thinking, "he's probably an alcoholic or a drug-dealer" and I'm sure that's possible, but whether he is or he isn't, regardless of how it is that he got on the side of that road, he's still human.

As my mom and I pulled away, we had tears in our eyes. In her motherly perspective she said, "that's somebody's son." We just cried for awhile, and let our own afternoon hunger sink in for a minute. I do a lot of running around for this Thanksgiving holiday as I am the one the cooks the dinner for my family, so it's easy for me to lose perspective amidst all the madness. I'm thankful for the opportunity to help people, and I'm so thankful for what I'm taught through it. I have so much, and I often forget it. It might be a stereotypical thing to say at this time of year, but it's true, and I wanted to share it. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday with family and friends:)

I'm still here!

2006-11-19T22:12:00.000-06:00

Hi friends...

Don't lose heart- I haven't faded into the dark again completely. This month has FLOWN by and I'm not really sure what I've been doing the whole time. I can't believe this week is Thanksgiving already- that's nuts!

I have been so busy- too busy- and I really need to learn to slow down. This is my prayer for right now, that I would learn how so slow down and not do too much. It's the number one thing that people criticize about me and the number one thing that makes my life not so much fun all the time. It keeps my from God, others, and even myself. Will you pray that I'll learn what to do and how to do it? I really don't know how...

Here's a blessing that I would like to share with you. Yesterday I got to do something really cool. My church put together some Thanksgiving food baskets and asked the congregation to give names of people that could use them. I was really late in asking, but my pastor found an extra one for me anyway when he heard who it was for. A new family moved into my district this week. They have 5 kids, and three of them are my students. In one week, I have gotten to know this family better than I do kids that I have known for over a year. The parents are so kind and loving- I could tell from the beginning that they were special. But I could also tell by looking at the dad that he had been through a lot. He had an extremely large scar on his head and it looked recent. Through talking with the parents extensively (they don't speak English, so I'm their only contact at school), I came to learn that the dad was diagnosed with brain cancer and had had a large tumor removed only weeks earlier. He obviously can't work right now, and with all the appointments and check-ups that he has daily, the mom can't work either because the dad isn't allowed to drive for 6 months, so she has to take him everywhere. So they have 5 kids, no income, and medical bills sky-high. They are very humble people, but they weren't even asking for help- they just wanted me to know so in case the kids seemed weighed-down at school, I would know why. My heart was breaking as I was listening to them tell their story and I was hoping that I could do something for them. I started praying right away that there would be a way for me to help them, and I remembered the baskets. I called my pastor immediately and told him their situation, and he said he'd find more food. So I talked to the family and asked if it would be ok if I stopped by with something for them. They said yes, and I couldn't believe my eyes when I came to their house. They were so grateful for the huge basket of food! As a way of saying thank-you, she had been cooking a simple yet amazing traditional Mexican meal. She said it would mean the world to them if I would sit down and share the meal with them, so I did. The food was delicious, but it meant so much more that they invited me in and made me a part of things. They told me that I am always welcome there and that I will be received as a queen in their house! The mom even made some traditional cookies for me to take back with me. It was so beautiful to see them use the little they have to bless me in a big way! I loved the food so much that the mom even said that I could come back for cooking lessons whenever I want- how cool is that? I could learn how to make real Mexican food- and this lady can cook! Anyway, the best thing is that I was talking to a good friend at church this morning about this family and she told me something awesome. She said she'd been looking for a family to sponsor for Christmas, and that she felt this family was it. So she's going to give them $100 to spend on each kid and $100 for food! How amazing is that? I'm telling the parents tomorrow, and I can't wait to see their reaction! The mom said to me the other day, "Sé que Dios nos tiene en sus manos y que nos cuidará. No más tenemos que esperar para ver cómo lo hará- pero sí lo hará" which means, "I know God has us in his hands and that he will take care of us. We just have to wait to see how he will do it- but he WILL do it." I love that I get to be the bearer of such awesome news! Praise God for their humble hearts, and the selfless giving of others. I am so encouraged by this! Please keep this family in your prayers- they are already so dear to my heart and I want them to feel God's presence so boldly in this time. Thanks guys...

That's all for now- it's late and I've still got to bake for tomorrow's school Thanksgiving. So right about that time-management thing...

Much love to you all...

Obsessed!

2006-11-01T16:18:00.000-06:00

Oh, look, I'm writing twice in one week. Maybe I'll make a believer out of some of you;)

Anyway, I just have to share this. Raise your hand if you've listened to Bebo Norman's new CD "Between the dreaming and the coming true." If you don't have your hand raised right now, you are MISSING OUT! IT'S AMAZING! I'm currently CANNOT stop listening to song 3, called "Time Takes its Toll on Us." It's so hypnotic and addicting. If you have not heard this CD, get to a store, iTunes, or his myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/bebonorman) and look for this song. It's so great. "I Will Lift My Eyes" is also amazing. Check it out people, you'll be glad you did.

Hope everyone is having a good week. Anyone sad it's November already? I love fall, and it's so rushed every year. Why can't it be a full season, like summer and winter and spring? I feel like fall's the best, and yet we have the least time to spend with her. It might be how some of you feel about me. Just kidding! Anyway, here's to the beautiful tree outside my classroom window that's desperately still holding it's shockingly yellow leaves tight, even though it's pretty much winter here in the greater Chicagoland area.

Chicagoland. Did you know we use that term for real around here? Most of my friends laugh and say something like, "Oh, so I live in Kansas City-land and So-And-So is from St. Louis-land?" Those people don't get that this is a "normal" term around here- we're not kidding. I'm not sure where it started, but it's what's used to refer to this whole place. The area covers about 8 million people, so we had to come up with something cool I guess to refer to the place that encompasses all of them. That, and perhaps it's because living here is as fun as being in a theme park. Booyah.

I've got to run and get my eyebrows done now. Somethings have to take priority over writing today, and sorry folks, but that includes my eyebrows. It might seem shallow, but you probably wouldn't want to be my friend if I didn't take care of this;)

¡Hasta pronto mis amigos!

So it's been awhile...

2006-10-29T17:02:00.000-06:00

Hi blog friends! So yeah, I know I've abandoned this place for awhile, and a long while at that (and evidently so long that even SOME people had the audacity to remove me from their links! Not that I'm talking about Beej or anything though...). You want to know something funny? I write a blog entry almost every day....It's just in my head, and not on a computer. Does that make me crazy? I think it does a little bit. I "write" while I'm driving and I think of all the things I wish I could share with all my blog friends, and exactly how I'd say it, if I only had a computer, internet access, and time in my condo. So much has changed since last spring, and I want to write about all of it. I'm not sure where to start- it's a daunting task to try to sum it all up. So I won't try to do that completely, or I'll end up not writing at all. My goal though is to try to at least write once a week again and reconnect on this once-favorite-place-of-mine, the blog. I've truly missed writing my random thoughts and reading those of others. So you have no reason to believe me, but I tell you today that I'm trying to be better about writing...We'll see where we get:) In the meantime, here's a fun picture to show you a little bit (a FRACTION) of the glorious wonders that I experienced in Costa Rica. Did I mention that I spent the summer there? It was amazing- Vera Piper asked me to go back as her assistant to help with the same program I studied under 5 years ago. It was the blessing of a lifetime, and here's one fun picture as proof. It's of me and two students in the Pacific snorkeling (as you can see) and our guide found a real life puffer fish and held him up for the picture. I actually held that thing in my hand. Sweet!

So, there will be more pictures and stories to come about that "little adventure" known as my summer of 2006. Too amazing for words, but I will do my best.

I have to run, but I've always liked sharing teacher stories with you all, so here's one for the road. I was in one of my 7th grade classes on Friday, and we were discussing the soul and what makes us who we are, etc. One student told me he thought I had a black soul (as in African-American) and I liked that, but that's not as good as it gets. This other boy raises his hand as says, "I think my soul is green." I asked him why he thought that was the case and he responded, "I just think it's green. I guess I've always envisioned my soul as a pickle. You say soul, I think pickle." HA!! I had to leave the front of the classroom and write it down before I risked the chance of forgetting something so awesome. Maybe my soul's a pickle too- I'm not sure. As long as pickles go to heaven too, I'm ok with that:)

I'll be back soon my friends.

Florida, here I come!!

2006-03-24T18:48:00.000-06:00

Hi friends. Be sure to read below about my crazy week. I just posted it this afternoon. I did want to let everyone know, however, that by the grace of God, I will be leaving this weekend for 8 GLORIOUS days in the Florida Keys!!! If you read below, it will become apparent that I might be on need of a little break! I'm going with my Chicago BFF Amy (who I'm moving in with this summer) to her house just a few miles up from Key West. It's going to be amazing...no kids, no crises...LOTS of fun, LOTS of relaxation, and hey, let's be honest...maybe a margarita or two;) I mean, that's what Key West is famous for, right? I will be going to the actual Margaritaville, so I think it's only in order! Anyway, I wanted to share the most amazing forecast for the week with you. To be really jealous (or just really happy for me) click here.

This is how I plan on having lunch on Sunday...

Anyway, I've been really bad about updating and calling and e-mailing as of late, and being away will not make that any better. I don't think I'll have computer access down there (or limited at best), so don't hate me if I'm not "around" for a bit. I hope you guys have a great week! If you e-mail me your street address before Saturday night, I'll send you a postcard- I promise! I'll be sure to update everyone when I get back too:)

This is the sunset I will be watching from Amy's boat or Mallory Square! They really are this amazing!

For more famous and amazing Key West sunset pictures, click here.

CCF Update

2006-03-22T18:21:00.000-06:00

Hi guys. I have been horrible about writing...I know. This month has been INSANE at work again. Even MORE state testing...IMAGINE THAT! Anyway, I'm sure you guys have all heard about the CCF accident that took place last weekend in Oklahoma as some of the students made their way back to Kirskville. Almost everyone is well on the road to healing for the physical wounds inflicted, but I know our prayers are coveted for the great emotional healing that is needed after going through something so traumatic and unexpected. I can see God doing crazy things through this already, even at such a distance. I pray that our perspective would be blessed as to see those things and not just the hurting that's going on. Maybe some of you have read this, but I thought I would post the most recent update that I got from Joe Belzer today. Here it is:

"sorry, this prayer update is a bit over due...
though jennie and i got back to home late monday night... i have
not been able to sit at the computer very long. still on some strong
drugs.
the Lord gave us an AMAZING spring break trip. amazing provision of open
doors for conversations... amazing opportunities for the international
students going... i told jennie, that i have not ever experienced such
spirit of UNITY where it seemed like God did SO MUCH. those who needed
to talk were able to find those to listen...
those who were convicted of deep change, were humble in finding
help.. or asking for help.
the counselors and staff at the camp were AMAZED at the amount of
work that the students got done. we were amazed also.
before our trip back, we gathered in a large circle, with the camp
staff... and just shared story after story of what we saw the Lord do
that week. it was amazing.
we prayed over the camp staff...
and they prayed for us also.

but the part of the story that has made the headlines the last
few days is the accident that happened on our way home.
around 5 in the morning on sat., we were making our way through
oklahoma city, when our caravan (one of 3) was in a head-on crash with a
lady who had apparently been drinking- who was driving on the wrong side
of the interstate. the two vehicles in the lead were able to swerve to
avoid hitting the lady... but our van was the one who hit her. because
of an earlier bus-break down, we had tried to move students from the bus
to fill the vans to 15 apiiece.. so there were 15 in our van. the
amazing thing is that no -one was killed. though the lady was going over
80 miles an hour (as estimated by the highway patrol)... we only suffered
broken bones and abrasions... the e.m.t.'s thought i was the worst...
and thus the report that i was not doing too well. the 3 of us who were
hospitalized each broke our tibias(sp?)...(lower shin bone) -
words fail to express the emotional impact of it all...
the explosion sounds... the confusion of sliding down the
high-way on our side, while my head was next to the pavement...
landing...and hearing lydia (our 7 yr.old) screaming for help,
but not able to move....
having the other students pull together in amazing ways to rescue
us all from the vehicles... and watching them move as one body to look
after the needs of each other.... the sight of the woman's car... and her
still trapped... yet, students trying to talk to her through her
window...
being unable to walk.. but then carried to the side of the road....
shivering from cold... and stretched out on the highway...
learning with great RELIEF, that both my daughters in the van
were o.k... and were safe... and that my other 3 kids were all fine.
having my clothes cut off to reveal an exposed bone in my right
leg...
having a make shift compress pushed against the left side of my
head to stop the bleeding...

all i could do was pray.. and the students around me prayed... i don't
know that have been in the middle of so much chaos and felt so much
protection.... and peace before.

since sat., we have all been dismissed but john hainline (who is
being watched for an infection in a gouge wound)... he may be released
today. i am healing quickly... though am trying to take my time.
they placed a rod in my tibia... and have me in a boot that is
able to be taken off to keep an eye on the infection.... my head is
healing more each day...
we were welcomed by churches in ok. city... and when we got back
here, the university opened up the dorms early for everyone.. it has all
be pretty amazing. many of you have asked how you could help... we are
unsure... just standing by and praying for us has been SO POWERFUL..
thanks so much.
i will hopefuly have more energy in the future to write more of
the stories...there are so many amazing stories of all the Lord has done
and is doing. thanks so much for your prayers. ]
please keep jeanetta fountain (the 38 yr. old lady who hit us) in
your prayers... as of monday she had had no relatives come to visit.. and
only one friend.... please pray that the Lord might heal her... and reach
her soul during this season.

tonight at our mid-week, we are having a special evening of
sharing the stories... please pray that the Lord would use this to more
deeply unify the students... and heal their emotional wounds from this.
again, we are indebted to you for your prayers.... hope this is
somewhat co-herent..... in His love, joe"

The Street of Gold

2006-03-08T14:22:00.000-06:00

Wow. I am in tears because of a student. A lot of jr. high teachers cry because of attitude problems or sheer exhaustion. I have been there, but today I cried because of what a student wrote. We are in a poetry unit, and my kids are blowing me out of the water. Remember, I am a bilingual teacher and so my kids are struggling enough just to make the language usable, let alone be creative with it. I thought that poetry might be a little too abstract and "out of the box" for them to handle, but I was SO wrong. The majority of my kids have TOTALLY grasped all the things I have presented to them (which might have something to do with the fact that I use more of Tupac's poetry than Shakespeare's:) and they have just been really excited about it too. Today, they were learning "I Am" poems where every line starts with "I am" or "I wonder" etc. This particular student just lost an uncle ("tio" as you will see) to whom he was very close. I think it was particularly touching to read because this is a student who, let's just say, doesn't always amaze me with his dedication in class or to his school work! I was just touched by this...I know you don't know him, but I thought it was pretty special. Ok, here it is:

I am loveable and kind
I wonder if I will see the Street of Gold
I hear my tio say, "Someday..."
I see the gate to heaven
I want to be with my family in heaven
I am loveable and kind

I pretend to see the Street of Gold
I feel the cloud to heaven
I touch the gate to heaven
I worry if I will go to heaven
I cry when I think of my tio Robert
I am loveable and kind

I understand that family members will go away for life
I say I'll walk on the Street of Gold
I dream of heaven
I try not to be a sinner
I hope that my family would go to heaven at the same time
I am loveable and kind

Smiley Me

2006-03-03T10:51:00.000-06:00

Hi friends. Sorry I have been so absent as of late. Jen and Linz, I owe you guys big e-mail updates. Don't hate me for my slow replies!

Anyway, I just wanted to write about a few fun/exciting things that are happening. The most recent is that I was just observed by my principal and he was SO complimentary and gave me an awesome review. He has more than given me a job for next year- he's telling me I just have to be here, and he's given me my choice of which part of the ELL program I want to teach. It's so awesome- he told me I'm a perfect fit for this building and it was really cool to hear because I've been feeling like this building is the perfect fit for me:)

Also, I went to a small group for the first time last night, and it was really cool. I guess I should start by saying that I found a new church, which is something I've been praying for for over 2 years. It's a relatively new church plant and I stumbled across it at random. I met this couple at my counselor's office and we started talking because of the Starbucks drink I had- they wanted to know if there was one near by (of course...it's Starbucks!). They had been speaking in Spanish, so I asked them where they were from because I could hear they each had a different accent. I guessed right- he's from Mexico and she's from Colombia. I told them that I had studied and learned Spanish in Costa Rica, and then they mentioned that their pastor was from there. Because I was so excited about a Costa Rican anywhere in the Chicago area, I started asking a lot of questions, which led to their question- "Want to come to church with us?" I called TK that night and told her I was really excited but I didn't want to get carried away because for all I knew they were Mormons:) I ended up going with them about a month later, and I loved it! It's so diverse- in age, race, single/married/kids, income etc. The people and the pastors are SO real and the sermons are great. It's not about a "wow" factor...it's just about it being right and good and biblical. Both the sermons and the people are so biblical. I don't say that about the people meaning that they're all walking around acting like Bible-knowing automatons, but in the sense that their community looks very much like the first-century church (or what I know of it). There is no prayer request too small, none too big, none too personal. And everyone gives. So much. I can see that already. When the pastor found out that I had lived and studied in Costa Rica, he was so excited to have someone to talk to about it, and he brought a huge bag of Costa Rican goodies to church for me. His mom had just been visiting and brought him a ton of the most popular cookies/candies/chips/juices/etc...and he shared with me! It was so awesome to feel so welcome and get such a unique gift! The second week I was there (I've been twice now), the sermon was about fellowship and what God has to say about it. I was really convicted about my view of it by what the pastor had to say. I've been looking at is as a blessing that God might give me here if I work for it, instead of a command to surround myself with other believers to look more like Him and know more about Him. So then he talked about small groups, and I let another pastor know that I would like to know more about what they have at their church, and then last night I ended up at a new small group of my very own. Again, it's such a diverse group, and I love being surrounded by people that aren't just like me. We just hung out and talked last night because they had planned to just have a hang out night, so it was a cool way to jump in. I think it will be awesome for encouragement and accountability...two things that I just don't have here. So yeah...thanks God for this gift!

I have to get going, but thanks for your patience if I've been bad at communicating. I hope and pray all is well with you...peace and love to all!

Ah...to be an autotroph

2006-02-24T12:55:00.000-06:00

au·to·troph Pronunciation Key (ôte-tr0f)
n.
An organism capable of synthesizing its own food from inorganic substances, using light or chemical energy. Green plants, algae, and certain bacteria are autotrophs. What B-cos wishes she could be today.

Hi friends. That's right. This morning was the kind of morning that made me wish I could be an autotroph. I was late getting up because I was late going to bed last night and I have been really wearing myself out during the day. I have this idea that working out twice or three times a day is a good idea. When do I do this you ask? Well, usually at 5AM, 4PM, and 9PM. Not wise, I know. I didn't work out this morning and I was actually proud of that (not USUALLY the case, but in this scenario it made me happy...just to let myself rest). Anyway, I'm running around this morning trying to get ready, which is already a hassle, but today everything was going crazy. I'm in the shower and my puppy jumped in with me and aside from getting soaking wet, she was also licking the shampoo off the tub. Awesome. Nothing better than a sick, wet dog. I am going to Kirksville this weekend, so instead of just having to get ready for work, I'm also packing for the entire weekend. I opened my bag to pack and found that the last time I had used it, some sort of hair product had exploded and made the bag temporarily unusable. I was running around trying to find my other bag with my wet dog following me and in my rush, I rammed my foot into a doorframe and bent my little toe backwards. Then I said the F word. Then I felt bad for saying the F word because I don't really ever say that word. Interestingly enough, I just told Beej last night that I never say it, except when experiencing foot injuries caused by running into door frames. Self-fulfilling prophesy? It must be. Anyway, the morning was so rushed and crazed that I ended up with a PB and J sandwich for breakfast. Tasty! you think...but NO...not the case. My bread was dry because my dog had ripped the plastic earlier in the week and opened the opportunity for the bread to dry out. The peanut butter was "natural" and was in the fridge, and had to be microwaved to be spreadable. I put it in for too long, so then it became peanut butter liquid and wouldn't sit well on the bread. I finished off this delight with some gummy sugar-free jelly that tasted way too "sugar free." I then realized that I was running WAY late and my hair was still wet, so I ran upstairs and started blow-drying my hair...with sandwich in hand. I inadvertently smeared PB and J into my freshly cleaned hair, and then the real problems began. I blow-dry my hair with my head upside down, so I was eating against gravity. May I suggest NOT trying to eat a crusty, running, gummy PB and J sandwich while hanging your head upside down and blow-drying your hair? I started choking and then came the thought..."AH, to be an autotroph!" And that friends, is where I leave this story. Hope your morning was smoother...I'm going to Kirksville!

Couldn't have said it better...

2006-02-15T20:55:00.000-06:00

Ah friends...how I love my job!! I have said this a million times, and it's so true. The "work" portion has been enough to make me insane and physically ill (i.e. I had to have a teacher cover my first two classes as I nearly passed out this morning...) BUT I love, love, love working with kids. As many of you may know, I work mainly the hispanic or other foreign students at my school, and very little with the rest of the population. Recently, however, I started teaching an afterschool program to students across the entire student body. Out of this group, I have 3 African-American boys that are just about too much for me to handle. It's so hard to teach them because they are SO funny. I try not to laugh and just get our work done, but they are hilarious. Yesterday, one of them wrote a Valentine's Day poem that I have to share with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did...

Roses are red, violets are blue
What I mean to say is that I love you.
This is the soft side of _______ Smith,
My heart is not hard but soft and balloony like a Nickalodeon blimp.
Sometimes you might see me cry
But that doesn't matter, we all have a soft side.
I know that sometimes I can act really shady,
But Valentine's Day is a time to appreciate all the special and beautiful ladies

Are you KIDDING me?!?! I love that he uses the word "shady" at all...and especially to rhyme with "ladies." Oh, from the mouth of babes...

My next favorite quote of the day from a person of "flava" (as Linz says) came about when I was playing Connect Four with another boy. As we were setting up, I decided to be childish and said, "I want to be red, ok?" To which he replied, "I wanted to be red...but that's cool, that's cool. If you don't want to be black, I will. I'll just be representin' my people."

So yes, that was my Valentine's Day in a nutshell. Isn't that fabulous!?! In a final tribute to V-Day, I will post some of my favorite love quotes for you all to read. Enjoy, and thanks for the love!

There is only one happiness in life,to love and be loved.~ George Sand ~

One word frees us Of all the weight and pain in life, That word is Love
~ by Socrates ~

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
~Mother Teresa~

Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much perfoms much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.
~Vincent Van Gogh~

The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love.
~William Sloan Coffin~

We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
~Mother Teresa~

Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are.
~Houssaye~

To love another person is to see the face of God.
~Les Miserables~

I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.
~ Henry Ward Beecher~

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
~ Mother Teresa~

There is no remedy for love but to love more.~Thoreau~

Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
~Dr. Karl Menninger~

Where there is love there is life.~Gandhi ~

The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved.
~Victor Hugo~

Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.
~ Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart~

This is my commandment, that you love one another.~ Jesus~

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
~From 1 Corinthians 13~

Yea! (An update)

2006-02-12T02:21:00.000-06:00

Hi friends! It's way early in the morning (or way late at night...whatever way you look at it) so this won't be long. I just didn't want to forget to let you know that my Aunt Sue's surgery went VERY well on Friday and she came through even better than expected. There's obviously still a HUGE amount of recovery time ahead of her, but I know that she and the rest of the family are so encouraged by how well things went. Thank you for e-mailing and calling to make sure everything went well! More than anything, thank you for your powerful and effective prayers:) Love to you all...

A Request

2006-02-10T06:14:00.000-06:00

HI friends. I need your help today. My dear Aunt Sue is having unexpected open-heart surgery today. She went in earlier this week for routine angioplasty and they discovered a complication that had to be dealt with almost immediately. She's rather calm as usual, but I know her husband and children (my uncle and cousins) are kinda freaking out. Will you pray for her surgery, her health, and peace for my family? I know this could be an amazing opportunity for my family to grow closer together...I'm just scared for today in the meantime. She lives here in the Chi-town suburbs, so I'm hoping that our family will be super-supportive and take care of her and the rest of the family in this time. THanks for praying...

THE GOZ

2006-02-05T23:47:00.000-06:00

So I have a friend named "The Goz." Some people tell me her real name is Amy Gosney, but that doesn't mean much to me. I actually forget that she has a first name. The first time I called her cell phone and got her voice mail, I hung up because I heard a voice say, "Hi, this is Amy..." and I didn't remember calling anyone named Amy. So her name is Goz; THE Goz to be proper and exact. She's my only friend whose name requires an article, but she's special for so many more reasons than that. I got to talk to The Goz for about 2 hours this past Friday while I was on a mini road trip and I loved it. It also reminded me how great it is to have her in my life as a near-and-dear friend, even after being at a distance from each other for almost 4 years. As much as I love her now, I never would have guessed 6 years ago that I would have the relationship with her that I do. That was before many, many things happened...

In the middle of my freshman year, Allison Herndon (nee Sharp) and I decided to live together and had our hearts set on the one and only "5th Street House." Katie Albers already lived there, so she joined our ranks. Kristin Tucker followed shortly after, and with one spot left, Goz joined our clan. I think I had maybe had about 3.7 conversations with her in my entire life and therefore did not know her very well. We lived in the same dorm at the time, and we were in the same Bible study...and we were even supposed to be prayer partners...but that never really happened. Between Goz being a little shy and really busy and me (most likely) being a lot forgetful and a little busy, it never happened. I was really intimidated by her because she was so quiet, and being a loud mouth, I figured that she was quiet because she was too smart to talk to weirdos like me. Not that she was keeping herself from me in arrogance, but that she just knew better than to try to get to know someone who would talk everytime she tried to open her mouth. So we weren't friends that year, but I didn't having any reservations about moving in with her, save for the fear that she had reservations about moving in with me. To me it seemed that someone like The Goz would find me overbearing and wanting in wisdom and self-control. To me, I could not imagine two people more different. She was blond and petite and SO cute and quiet and a super athelete and an amazing student (the full ride kind) and sincere and deep. I was auburn-haired and tall and awkward and loud and a wannabe athelete and a not-so-amazing student (at least not the full ride kind) and flaky and shallow. I can only hope that entire list wasn't true, but that's what I felt like. I prayed to God that Goz wouldn't hate living with me...that she wouldn't hate her life because I had to be in it everyday. I liked her a lot, but I thought for her sake that our relationship would have to be a matter of survival, not a living breathing blessing. I thought we were just too different. I was so, so, so wrong.

When Goz graduated and left the house (she's a year older than me), we knew each other well and I loved her dearly. I was very happy with where our relationship had gone and how much I had learned from her (and what I hoped she had learned from me). I was so content with that, and I knew we'd keep in touch forever, but I never knew that our relationship was just in the beginning phase. We haven't lived in the same place since May of 2002 (save the week I got to live with her in St.Louis this summer), but we are closer now than we ever were in college. And it's amazing.

Goz is quite possibly THE person that I have considered my most obvious "opposite." The irony (and why God is so sneaky [in a good way]) is that the past 4 years of continuing to know Goz, I have not found an opposite. I have found a person who is very much a mirror of myself, my thoughts, my heart, and my life, only better. We are both the 2nd daughter of a girl-girl-boy family (child order), we both love Jr. Mints with body and soul, we both ask a lot of questions, and we both, in the presence of the right people, are free to become someone we perhaps do not always feel free to be. God has taken this girl that I thought I could never relate to and made someone who is constantly teaching me things I never knew, showing me things about myself I was never willing to find out, and reminding me of things that He already taught me that I'm too weak to remember. And I love Him and her for it.

I love Goz because she is all those things to me. I also love her because she has a million dollar smile that makes me feel like a million bucks. I love her because she loves the mountains and makes it feel right to love them too. I love her because I can trust her with every secret I ever have ever spent years trying to hide.I love her because she finds joy in amazing and simple things...like driving in the country and finding old abandoned churches and worshipping in the grass outside of them...and pretending to be part of the "Peking Acrobats" with me (see picture below)...and cooking delicious dairy-free meals...and going to bed on time. I love her because she asks tough questions to me and herself, and mostly to God, and she's not afraid to not have the answer. I love her because she's like me, but braver about most things, and that, in turn, changes me.

There's a lot of reasons that God created Goz, but I'm pretty sure that He thought of me in that process. That might sound really selfish, but I think it's true. He knew my heart before it was here...and He knew that this girl that can be selfish and rude and loud and scared would one day need a friend that would be giving and kind and gentle and calming to walk with her always. He knew that I would need someone to know me, even the little sticky yucky crumbs of me, take it all in and love me anyway...So God, thanks for Goz, and Goz, thanks for being God to me in so many ways, even though you might not believe it now.

Goz just visited this page for the first time on Friday, so everyone say, "Welcome Goz!" I hope you come back often...And I hope everyone can have a Goz in their life...this world would be a better place:)

I call this "The Flying Goz"

Look how brave she is to trust TK and I!!!

Cowboy Up

2006-02-02T22:12:00.000-06:00

I need something a little more lively after the emotional catharsis of that last post. Keeping with the same theme of finding pictures from the past, however, I ran across a couple of real classics today. And the theme for the day? Cowboy hats!! I think you'll find the last one to be your favorite...it sure is mine!

The "It's my 21st Birthday" Cowboy Hat Experience

Me and BFF TK rockin' at the Dukum Inn on 7-24-02...

The day that we tried to get skin cancer by going to a tanning booth AND sitting out at the pool for 5 hours...Happy Birthday to me!

The "I'm being sandwiched by two blond cuties" Cowboy Hat Experience. Al, Goz and I get ready to get down at the annual hayride/hoedown in the one and only Kirksville, MO. Shortly after this photo was taken we were caught doing the most breathtaking do-si-do you have ever seen (and yes "do-si-do" is spelled right..as far as I know:)

The "HELP! I'm stuck next to a FREAKY Russian Comedian" Cowboy Hat Experience

OK, so it's the same night as the picture above, but it's an entirely different experience! Who can name both the comedian AND the person who was supposed to be in the picture? 10 points for the winner!

Now and Then...

2006-01-31T21:47:00.000-06:00

So I read something today that made me cry. I was looking through a box of baby pictures to find something I was looking for, and I came across an old envelope labeled "Kristi"...and I opened it up. I could tell it was rather old, but that it couldn't be much older than about 24.5 years old, being that it had something to do with me. When I opened it, I found a letter inside dated July 24, 1981. It end up that this letter is EXACTLY as old as I am, because that's the day I got here (Earth). It was a letter from my Grandma June, affectionately known as "Baba Nunie" in my family. It was so cool to read something that was from the very day I came into the world, before she had even met me. I will share parts with you here:

Dear Kristina Marie,

We are all very happy that you have arrived, and we welcome you with joy into the family. Your mom and dad have really been blessed to have another beautiful little girl, and you are lucky to have a wonderful mother and father, and a big sister, Andrea. Your grandpa and I have so much love to give you, and we will enjoy watching you grow. We all pray that you will grow to be a good, loving and beautiful person.

Your mommy called me at 3:30 this morning to tell me that she was going to the hospital. I got on the 8 A.M. train in Kewanee, IL and all during that train ride the drama of your birth was taking place. All I could do was listen to the clicking of the train wheels and watch the scenery fly past my window and wonder if you were born yet. I called from the train station in Chicago and talked to your mom in the hospital, and found out that I had a new little granddaughter.

You will never remember this day, but your mom and dad and grandparents will always vividly remember every minute of the day. When I first got on the train, I couldn't see any scenery because it was very foggy, but as the sun got higher, the fog gradually disappeared and it was a beautiful summer day. It was especially beautiful because now you are in the world. I can hardly wait to hold you in my arms.

May God always bless you and keep you safe in His care.

With love, your Grandma June

So I'm not sure why I'm posting this, save the fact that it meant (means) a lot to me and is really beautiful to me. Before skinned knees and bad days, nightmares and divorce, innocence lost and death, before things got a chance to be hard or ugly, there was someone who loved me just because I existed. Someone who had never laid eyes on me thought I was beautiful because just because her love for me told her I was. Someone prayed for be to become someone special before she had any knowledge that I would manage to become anyone at all. Someone waited in anticipation just to hold me and be with me. Most of all, I had someone that from day one interceded for me and put my life in the care of the only One that hasn't failed me yet. I guess somewhere I knew all these things were true, but reading it was amazing. Thanks for listening friends...

Then...

(I love how she looks like she loves me so much!!)

And now...

( She's always kept her hand on me...)

So, thanks, Baba Nunie, for all you have done. Although our generational gap will never allow you to read this here first-hand, I'll pray to be mindful to tell you all these things. Forgive me if I ever make it seem like it's hard to help take care of you, or do things for you, or spend time with you. It's a blessing, and I pray that I know it. Thanks for being a nearly 88-year-old testimony to God's goodness. I will never forget it!

I'm back!

2006-01-28T11:35:00.000-06:00

Hi friends! I have gotten multiple phone calls and e-mail inquiries about what in the world has happened to me. I know, I've been writing few and far between. I think this is only my 5th post for January. I have missed being able to share with you all, my faithful friends, but my life has been INSANE recently. Really, I should just say my JOB has been crazy, and I have been tutoring more than usual, so it has just been adding up. Maybe if I had a really amazing co-worker like Dwight from "The Office" to work with and be my assistant, things wouldn't be so crazy...but alas, I have no Dwight. I think we can all agree though that all our lives would be better if we could each have a Dwight.

If you haven't seen this show and you don't know what I'm talking about, you are ROBBING yourself of the best television there is. I don't watch much TV, and I definitely don't usually schedule things around when a certain show is on...but that's not true for The Office. I will not take any tutoring appointments after 8PM on Thursdays so I can have my 22 minutes of hilarity. It's completely inane humor, but I love it! It's shot in standard "mock-umentary style" like "Waiting for Guffman", "A Mighty Wind" and all those other Christopher Guest movies. It's just so different from most of TV- especially all the lame-and-extremely-overdone reality genre. So yeah...that's my discourse on that for now...

DWIGHT DOES IT RIGHT!

So, I don't have much else to say for now. What else can you say after a picture like that? I think it speaks for itself. I will try, however, to get back here soon and actually write something of substance. Love and peace to all....

Be My Escape

2006-01-18T23:13:00.000-06:00

It's been a while, and I don't have much to say. Does anyone have any thoughts on how to understand forgiveness? I really need your help...I'm at a point where I can understand it on a conceptual level, and I understand "basic" redemption, but I'm not sure I really know what it means to continually be forgiven. Help?

Be My Escape-Relient K

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away

And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You

Just Like My Friends

2006-01-06T23:58:00.000-06:00

In the steps of Lindsey and Elisa, here's my best (and a few worst) of 2005. Here's to a new year!

Best Advice: "Bercos, get a blog." (ok, I couldn't think of anything better...)

Best Movie: "Walk the Line", "Finding Neverland", "Hitch", "Wedding Crashers".

Can't Wait to See: "Pride and Prejudice", "Memoirs of a Geisha", "Munich" "The Chronicles of Narnia"

Best Sports Event: Bears sweeping Green Bay Christmas Day at Lambeau

Best TV Infomercial: The Magic Bullet (It's so bad it's good).

Best new Blog friend: Linz via Elisa via the entire STL universe.

Best Meal: My 24th (and Golden) birthday at Periyali's, my favorite Greek place- Saganaki, Horta, Spanakotiropita, Village Salad, Avgolemono Soup, Kota Spanaki, Baklava and GREEK COFFEE! YUM!!!

Best Day: The day right before school started...Me, a great tan, my sweet cruiser bike, the farmer's market and fresh flowers in the basket on the front... Do you see how amazing this machine is? That's an ARGYLE chain guard and a two-tone (pink and white) leather-and-suede seat! And you pedal backwards to brake! YES!! Now just imagine the pretty wicker basket on the front...too much! Too much!!

Best New Marriages: Beth and Kurt Bethel, Dom and Angela Scalise, Becky and Jason Daum, Kelly and Jeff Blankenship, Dave and Erica Chojnacki, Steve and Ashley Cox, & Mark and Sarah Swanson

Best Question by a Brit: (Say it with the accent) "What have you gone and done?" My co-worker's mom (who is indeed British) when my co-worker passed out and hit her head on the overhead machine while teaching...

Best "Old" Marriages: The Beckners, The Mosses, The Herndons.

Best Proposal:TK and Josh- YEAAAAAAA!

Best new Relationship: Me and Beej

Most Looked-Foward-To Nuptuals of 2006: TK and Josh, Emily and Andy, Koop and Scott, K-Trett and Matt, Wes and Diana, Josh Davis and Mel P., Slaten and Kelsie (did I forget anyone? I don't think so...)

Most Fervent Hater of the Word "Ointment": Me

Fastest courtship: Emily and Andy (YES!!! Hey- when it's good, it's good!!!)

Slowest recovery: Me and my lame thyroid gland. (Recovery is a misnomer- my thyroid is dead...)

Saddest goodbye: Leaving KC after Dom and Ang's wedding.

Best Purchase: My bike. See above if you somehow missed the details!

Best Student Conversation: Me-"Jose*, what don't you understand about being quiet?!? I don't want to hear your voice again!" Other student defending him-"Don't get mad Miss Bercos! He's a ninja- that's just his mojo!" *Name changed

Best news: Brooke having a baby girl, Aislynn, TK getting engaged, BJ proposing to me, TK's dad being OK, God still loves me

Best Sermon: Pastor Joe of Immanuel Baptist on Joshua 1 and 2

Best Road Trip: My 9-day "Tour-de-Missouri" in August

Largest number of Midori Sours in one sitting: Five? Six? Who can count!?! (They are like Jolly Ranchers melted into a glass!!)

Best Return from a Foreign Country: Adam Stephy, back from Germany.

Best Return from a non-foreign country: TK, from the death-grip of Texas (OK, so she's not a whole lot closer to me in Kentucky, but it seems better...) .

Best Gift: TOUGH!! Somewhere between the CHI, the Magic Bullet, the Jane Austen Collection, and a trip to Jekyll Island.

Music Most Frequented: Juanes, Jack Johnson, Gavin DeGraw, Boston, Carlos Vives, Joss Stone

Best Statement from a person of Flava: "Boy, get out of that buggy! You don't even got yourself in the the right one!" (Woman to her son at Target in St. Louis, referring to a shopping cart...)

Best Use Of Labels: This

Best Use of Bacon: Warm Spinach Salad.

Best Books I Read: Redeeming Love, The Notebook, Hoyos (Holes), The Mark of the Lion Series (READ THIS SERIES!!!!!)

The Best Books I'm Half-Way Through and Adore: Blue Like Jazz, The Healing Path, Emma, El Alquimista

Best Find: First-rate Fiestaware at a liquidation center- I got 8 place settings for under $50!!!! That should have cost me about $320!!! So yeah, that- AND the store of Jr. High love notes I found in my sock drawer this morning!

Biggest steps for me: Paying off one entire loan from school. Deciding to like my job. Resting. Facing the truth. Sharing my hurt with my friends.

Worst days for me: Any day I can feel the effects of having a non-functioning thyroid gland

Most annoying phrase I've acquired: "You got treated!" (Thanks to my students...)

New accomplishment: teaching Jr. High kids

Favorite new authors: Donald Miller and Dan Allender

Favorite new beverage: 7up plus- Cherry flavor. Who knew you could great taste AND calcium in pop- and for only 10 calories! If only it had caffeine...

Most common Starbucks order: Tall skim peppermint mocha no whip

Favorite new TV show: THE OFFICE!!!!!! HI-LARIOUS!!!!

Jewelry I would most likely buy for Beej and Ali if it weren't too expensive: see here

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Well folks, that's it. I think 2005 might be a wrap at this point. It has been a year of great victory and hardship, many firsts and many lasts. I will always remember it as a milestone year for me...Thank you to those who have walked alongside me for so long, so patiently, so lovingly...teaching me the whole time. Love to all!

Update

2006-01-04T20:27:00.000-06:00

Yea!!! Thanks for praying for Joe Tucker. This week brought an inevitable surgery for him, although there was a question whether they were going to be able to just put in a stint or the much more invasive open-heart bypass surgery. Well, the doubly good news is that they went for the stint, and the surgery went perfectly well! I guess there was a 50-50 chance for him to have another heart attack during the operation, and that did not happen- yea! Thanks again for your prayers- I know is has meant to much to TK to know that people are praying for her and her family.

Please Pray

2006-01-03T11:47:00.000-06:00

Hi friends. Please keep KristinTucker's family in your prayers. Joe Tucker (TK's dad) suffered a heart attack last night. Thank God he caught it early and went right to the ER. TK reports that his condition is stable and that the damage to his heart was found quickly and was relatively minimal. He does, however, still have to have some sort of heart surgery soon (even today maybe?). The family is obviously distressed, although talking to TK last night gave me the impression that they are doing as well as they possibly can in this kind of situation. Please help me pray! I will be the first to admit that intercession has been a weakness as of late, so join me please. I pray not only for Joe's health, but that this will bring the family together in a time where this is much needed...

If you have any words of encouragement for TK, I can pass them on to her from here...

Curious Cream Caper

2005-12-31T16:07:00.000-06:00

By "curious" I mean the third definition in the dictionary which says, "Arousing interest because of novelty or strangeness."

I had a carton of heavy whipping cream in the refrigerator this week and went to use it this morning. I found it half-empty and asked my mother if she had used it. She denied any involvement with the named substance.

Upon returning from my afternoon out, I went into the kitchen and had resolved to proceed with my culinary endeavor with only the half-carton that remained. To my surprise, I found that even my half-carton was no longer present. A quick look in the trash can proved its fate. It was gone.

Being that my mother had already denied any cream-meddling, I then went to my brother, the only other person in the house. He stubbornly, nay vehemently, denied any interference as well.

I would consider my dog, as she is well within capacity to consume such an item...but she is very much without the posable thumb necessary to not only open the cream, but to place the empty container in the trash receptacle.

I am not disturbed about the loss of cream, yet I am disturbed if what seems obvious is true- someone in my family is lying to me!

Nothing but Leaves

2005-12-31T09:56:00.000-06:00

Mark 11:13 (NASB)
"Seeing at a distance a fig tree in leaf, He went to see if perhaps He would find anything on it; and when He came to it, He found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for figs."

“During the mission in 1884,” write M. C. Broadman, of Stratford, East London, “the hymn ‘Nothing but leaves’ was often sung. It brought conviction to one of the stewards. He said that this song disturbed him. For years he had been a professor of religion, but with personal interest in view. He said he trusted that henceforth there would be fruit as well as leaves in his life. From that time he has been an ardent Christian worker.”

Nothing but leaves!
The Spirit grieves
O’er years of wasted life;
O’er sins indulged while conscience slept,
O’er vows and promises unkept,
And reap, from years of strife—
Nothing but leaves!
Nothing but leaves!

Nothing but leaves!
No gathered sheaves
Of life’s fair rip’ning grain:
We sow our seeds; lo! tares and weeds,
Words, idle words, for earnest deeds—
Then reap, with toil and pain,
Nothing but leaves!
Nothing but leaves!

Nothing but leaves!
Sad mem’ry weaves
No veil to hide the past;
And as we trace our weary way,
And count each lost and misspent day,
We sadly find at last—
Nothing but leaves!
Nothing but leaves!

Ah, who shall thus the Master meet,
And bring but withered leaves?
Ah, who shall, at the Savior’s feet,
Before the awful judgment seat,
Lay down, for golden sheaves,
Nothing but leaves!
Nothing but leaves!

A Christmas that was indeed merry!

2005-12-26T07:04:00.000-06:00

Hi friends. I leave for STL in 4 seconds. It was supposed to be 4 minutes ago but I got sucked into sitting here at the computer for a minute. I just wanted to say that I was very blessed yesterday (and in the gift-giving season in general) to receive some EXCELLENT gifts. Here they are in order of importance:

-Jesus
-A SWEET BEARS VICTORY (click here)
-the CHI
-the "Magic Bullet" kitchen system (click here)
-TONS of awesome books (including an 8-volume set of Jane Austen's best! Yeah!!!)
-an AMAZING bathrobe (I really wish you could cyber-feel this thing! It's incredible!)
-So many more amaing things that I REALLY don't have time to write about right now.

Obviously my trip to St. Louis is a huge blessing and I can't wait to get there and see so many LOVES of my life like Al and Brad Herndon, The Goz (the only person I know who has a name that requires an article!), Ali and Jim, TK and Josh (her fiance!!!!!), Lauren and Kevin Beckner, Beth and Kurt Bethel and glorious amounts of other special folk. I also get to meet Lindsey Merrill in person for the first time. Through the blog-world, we've had a great relationship and everyone who knows both of us tells us we're SO similar and should be friends. I'm not sure about most online relationships, but this is a good one!:)

OK, I'm out! I hope driving isn't too bad today...I'm sure I'll let you know when I get back. Love to all!

Merry Christmas!!!

2005-12-25T06:19:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone has a fabulous day surrounded by family and loved ones! I will definitely be partaking in this tradition, as well as the age-old tradition of watching the Bears game! (B-cos breaks into song, "All I want for Christmas is a Bears' victory and division title...") For history on this and other traditions, check out this great site and click on origins of traiditions (or something close to that). Ok, so you might not find much about watching Bears' games, but there's some other fascinating stuff, I swear:) I would like to include here some Christmas passages that are common, but nevertheless personal favorites. May my heart be hearing them today above all things...

Isaiah 9:1-7 (NIV)

To Us a Child Is Born

1 Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those
who were in distress.In the past he humbled the land
of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali,
but in the future he will honor Galilee of the Gentiles,
by the way of the sea, along the Jordan-

2 The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.

3 You have enlarged the nation
and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you
as people rejoice at the harvest,
as men rejoice
when dividing the plunder.

4 For as in the day of Midian's defeat,
you have shattered
the yoke that burdens them,
the bar across their shoulders,
the rod of their oppressor.

5 Every warrior's boot used in battle
and every garment rolled in blood
will be destined for burning,
will be fuel for the fire.

6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

7 Of the increase of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this.

Luke 2:1-20

The Birth of Jesus

1In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world.
2(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.)
3And everyone went to his own town to register.
4So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.
5He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

6While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born,
7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

The Shepherds and the Angels

8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christthe Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, 14 "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

i'm a love magnet!!

2005-12-23T01:38:00.000-06:00

Your Power Color Is Magenta

At Your Highest:
You energize yourself and push others to suceed.
At Your Lowest:
You feel frustrated and totally overwhelmed.
In Love:
You are suprised by who you attract. You're a love magnet.
How You're Attractive:
Open and free spirited, people want to explore the world with you.
Your Eternal Question:
"What is my next source of inspiration?"

What's" Your Power Color?

ENGAGED Beloved Belovedness!!!!

2005-12-21T20:24:00.000-06:00

Hello again! Perhaps it is wrong that I posted my news first (see below) because there is a news break of MUCH greater significance that hit the circuit yesterday. The main difference is that this news could result in children, and mine won't. Random, I know... The point here folks is that my best friend, the one and only "TK", Kristin Kay Tucker is engaged to be married to Mr. Josh Fillingham! I LOVE IT! (Sidenote- If you want to know how I feel about this relationship, you can check out my original post here.) In case anyone has forgotten, here are the little lovebirds for all the world to see:)

Guess what? I'm a bridesmaid! Yea!! I know she's going to pick out AWESOME dresses that will not make me and my fellow maids feel like frosted cupcakes. Actually, all the weddings I have been in have had awesome dresses. Nice job ladies! Anyway, I'm so honored to be a part of the festivities. I think it's because she loves me, but she might just want me around for comic relief. I mean, look how much fun we have together!!

This is us at Ed Debevic's in Chi-town being nuts (our favorite thing to be!)

Here's the classic "TK petting my blond mullet" shot. Everyone has one of these, right?

Wow! Here's one of us being normal! I'm pretty sure we were up to something right before this... and right after:)

Closing comments: TK, you know I love you, and Josh, you know I believe I could not have hand-picked a better man for this girl I love so much. I am now doubly blessed to have you both in my life! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

It's official!!!

2005-12-21T20:11:00.000-06:00

Hello world! I would like to announce that I am a PROUD new owner of the ULTRA CHI hair straightener!!!! I have been waiting for this this day ever since I first used the original CHI in Beth (nee Doolittle) Bethel's apartment in K-ville. Every disappointing hair day since then has been filled with "if-only's" and "maybe-someday's." But today, my friends, the "if-only" has been fulfilled and my "maybe-someday" has arrived! Thanks to Ulta beauty supply for putting it on sale and to my dad for supplying the major cash for it! I even got the special thermal carrying bag and the four "silk infusion" bottle included like this picture shows. Today is a good day. If you've ever watched me do my hair, you know what blessed relief this is. YEA FOR CHI!!!

Strumming my pain with his fingers...

2005-12-19T23:42:00.000-06:00

Singing my life with his words...

Another Me- Sister Hazel

Digging in for another day
Carrying on in my own way
But you know me,
I live and die nearly every day
Insanity is having its way with me

These days in the gallows
I'm kneeling at the block with my neck outstretched
And I should have stayed in the shallows
But you know me, I'm in too deep

And I'm waiting for another me
One that can change the pain of yesterday
Carry me through another day
And I'm waiting for another me
One in between the burn and the lessons learned
'Cause being me ain't no way to be

Talking law down at Murphy's Bar
Unhappy hour on my own last
Calling me out on my living lie
Looking for luck I can't even buy

Give me one chance at recovering what was lost
And give me one shot at redemption at any cost
Repair my way before it breaks me
Don't break me

Hello, do you notice me
Can't you see that I'm crumbling down
Tired of the same old same
I’m coming to, coming back around
----------------------------------------

Thanks to Beej for making me a sweet collection of CD's, which included an entire disc of her beloved Sister Hazel...Thanks for the songs and for singing them to me as well:) This may be my themesong right now, but I have hope that it will change...Thanks for believing that too.

Cheech the Screech (Owl)

2005-12-16T23:40:00.000-06:00

Hi friends. I just have to share this story with you all in case you have not heard it yet on your own. I know that most people in this world have more fun than I do on the weekends, but now even owls are beating me at this game? Click here for a hilarious explanation...

So much to say

2005-12-15T23:17:00.000-06:00

Don't ride one of these to your wedding!

Wow. A lot has happened since I was last here. Not much of it was extremely monumental, so I won't write about all the details (you can thank me later). Just know that I feel like I have been put through the wringer since the beginning of last week. I was dead by Friday, but had decided to go to Kirksville to celebrate the birthdays of Laura Frick and Beej. I decided to take the train thinking, "Why deal with the hassle of driving when the convenience of a train is available?" HA! I waited for over 8 hours for my train at Union Station on Friday, then spent 5 hours on the train...then Sunday I spent 3 hours waiting for it, and 5 hours riding it...only to have to wait for 2 hours for another train to take me home that I had to ride for over an hour. So I literally spent 24 hours of one weekend travelling. AWESOME! (I can't complain though...I was sitting next to a guy that missed his own WEDDING because of the messed-up schedule. YIKES!) As much as a battle it was to get there at back, I'm still glad I went. It seemed like a spiritual battle almost. I couldn't figure out what the chaos was all about (from external and internal sources), but it was really hard for me to figure out where I needed to be this past weekend. I was SO close to turning around on Friday and going home, but I somehow knew to stay. So this is what happened over this incredibly fast/frustrating/amazing weekend:

I quickly found myself in the company of some very interesting strangers and not-so-strangers. One of the girls on the train was the little sister of a good friend of mine from high school who was en route from Michigan to Kansas City...and we just ended up in the same place. WEIRD! So she and I talked for a while down in the cafe car of the train, and this guy randomly joined us. He was so great to talk to! Jenny, the girl, ended up going back to her seat after a while to sleep, but I stayed downstairs talking to my new friend. He was from India and is getting his Ph.D. at the University of Chicago, and on his way to visit a friend in New Mexico. He had the greatest smile and the kindest countenance I have ever seen. A little later, this other guy comes downstairs and asks to join us, as we were the only other people awake on the train. So the three of us get to talking and it was just amazing. I learned that this other guy was from inner-city Chicago, grew up in the projects, his mom was a crack addict, and he's not only the first person in his family to finish high school, but he's currently going to college to become an accountant! Then there was me...the white suburban teacher who has never been in need of anything, really (materially speaking). I describe our encounter as a mini Breakfast Club (if you haven't seen this 80's classic, you don't even deserve an explanation of what it is:). We were such a random random group, but it was like we were old friends after just a little while. It was so evident to me throughout our entire 4 hour (yes, 4 hour) conversation that it was just one of those experiences that was going to stick with all of us forever. We talked about life, crisis, faith, struggles, hurts, and triumphs...We encouraged each other, emboldened one another, and made each other laugh. We realized that even though the guy from India and I grew up thousands of miles away from each other, I shared a closer life with him than I did with my fellow Chicagoan who grew up only 20 miles away, but in a very different environment. It made me sad to see first hand how much is hidden right in front of my face, but it was also encouraging to see how much he had conquered in his life to become somebody nobody ever believed he could be. I could go on and on about this, but I think you get the point. It was amazing and I learned a lot. And shared a lot. Two things that are very good for me!

So, the train was WAY late getting in obviously, and Beej and Emily were kind enough to come get me at the station when I got into town at 2AM. We went back to Emily's place and stayed up talking for quite a while. It felt like old times! The three of us lived together in an awesome farm house the year after graduation. The exciting topic of the evening, or early morning rather, (besides opening BJ's hot birthday presents) was EMILY'S wedding! In case you haven't heard, Emily Kendrick and Andy Kottwitz are engaged and getting married this June. I LOVE IT!!! Anyway, you know we sat around and looked at bridal magazines and talked flower arrangements and bridesmaids' dresses for ever. I think we went to bed somewhere between 4 and 5AM. AWESOME! Emily made an excellent breakfast on Saturday while I enjoyed a shower with excellent water pressure. I don't have that here, for whatever reason. I had a BLAST on Saturday hanging out with old friends, including one of my K-Life girls who is now a K-Life leader herself...I love it! It's so awesome to see it all come full circle.

Anyway, I got to hang out with Dom and Ang for awhile too, and I loved that of course too. Everything was going great until I was getting something out of Beej's car...AND I LOCKED HER KEYS IN THE TRUNK!! I've never even done that to my own keys, let alone to someone else on THEIR BIRTHDAY! Beej, being ever gracious as she is, didn't even flinch when I told her and then told me not to worry about it. I'm pretty sure I didn't listen to her...because I remember kneeling on the floor at one point face-down wondering why I had to suck things up so much. Fortunatley, due to unequal measures of God's grace and swift AAA road-side assistance, the situation was resolved rather quickly. AND during all that time I got to go to Gall family Christmas party and see many beloved friends there. It was an unexpected joy in the midst of feeling like a big idiot...

From there we had a great dinner at El Vaquero where I got to meet the long-anticipated Webel #3 (not 3rd in birth order, 3rd in that I met him after first knowing 2 of his siblings). I also had the chance to send a budding relationship (we're talking 5 minute history here) with a waitor down a STEEP, slippery slope after a serious misunderstanding about green vs. poblano peppers. Elisa and Webel were there to laugh at me the whole way. Thanks for the support guys! Webel, you are redeemed by calling me the life of the party. Elisa- you can give me a free lipstick sample or something:)

Anyway, after that I got to see Mike and Mary Jo Schwend for about 10 short, but lovely minutes...and then it was off to Sleezure World! Nothing like bowling in the world's largest ash tray! It was great to hang out with such fun people, like Laura and her beau David. I sucked it up big time, but I got to see two more K-Life girls then too, so that was great. Fortunately, the night was not over after a seriously-sad score of 90 points. We headed back over to Dom and Angela's for the evening's delight... A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!! I think I ate a small village's weight in pineapple dipped in the fountain that night. It was just so good! Aside from taste, the cascading fountain just brings fondue to a whole new level. And I like it.

LOOK AT THE FUN!!!

Wow. Can you believe this all happened in 24 hours? The last 6 hours I spent sleeping...then Beej graciously took me back to the train station where AGAIN the train was late. I ended up getting home after 8PM, when I was supposed have arrived by 3. A lot of really cool stuff happened on the way home, but it's long enough to be its own post. I can't write anymore! Let's just say, that after all the ridiculous travel, key-trunk experiences, waitor-pepper trauma, general tom foolery and chocolate-fountaining (yes, it's a verb), I AM TIRED. It's Thursday now, and I'm STILL tired. Here's hoping that I can catch up a little this weekend. I have to go to school on Monday and Tuesday, but then I'M DONE FOR TWO WEEKS!! I can't wait for the rest. I pray that I will use it wisely. It's always hard to come back from a great weekend away. This week has been ROUGH. I know I need some time to get rested and put some things together in my life...and hopefully this time off will do that.

I'm outta here. If you actually read this far, you should get a prize. I'm not sure I've even read this far. Sorry for the eternal post. Just had so much to say...

random finding

2005-12-14T23:00:00.000-06:00

no, still haven't finished that weekend update. but this maybe counts partially. i found this over the weekend inside a book i have been intending to finish for over a year and have not touched in...well, about a year. this was written on three little pieces of scrap paper. i don't know where it came from or who wrote it (it's my handwriting, but i'm not sure of the origin). because of the separate pieces of paper, i'm not even sure of the order, but i took a guess because i like it. hope you do too. familiar thoughts, yet refreshing.

I am saved by grace.
Redeemed.
I am a human,
Made in God's own image.
I have His mind,
His heart,
And by His mercy,
I have been given
His Spirit.
Holiness is mine,
But not earned.
I am in the process
Of sanctification, although
I myself merit
No part of it.
I am forgiven and unforgettable
By the heart of God.
To Him
I am a daughter,
A herald,
A friend,
A treasure.
Though worthy of no name,
He calls me them all.

Breath of fresh Christmas air

2005-12-13T21:56:00.000-06:00

Hi friends. I have a big weekend update in the works, but for now, I will share something I have enjoyed today. Besides watching icicles and evergreens in full bloom and playing freeze tag with my dog, I started to listen to Christmas music! I'm a little late, but this album is worth it. I came across it last year. It's Andrew Peterson's epic CD that unconventionally sings of Christmas in a way that actually tells the story. I didn't know much about him before last winter, but for those of you who know the Shive boys (Ben and Josh), this is the artist that Ben records with in Nashville. He actually does some of the writing and arranging for the albums, and it's amazing stuff! It's a refreshing change from so-and-so's "new and improved" version of the Christmas songs we've heard redone for a lifetime. Don't get me wrong. I love that stuff too...but it's nice to see someone make an almost entirely original Christmas album. I am posting the lyrics to two of my favorite songs on the CD. As you will see, this is not a sugar-coated version of the nativity. I like that. I wish you could hear the actual music, but I guess I'll leave that up to you:)

Labor of Love (featuring Jill Phillips)

It was not a silent night
There was blood on the ground
You could hear a woman cry
In the alleyways that night
On the streets of David's town

And the stable was not clean
And the cobblestones were cold
And little Mary full of grace
With the tears upon her face
Had no mother's hand to hold

It was a labor of pain
It was a cold sky above
But for the girl on the ground in the dark
With every beat of her beautiful heart
It was a labor of love

Noble Joseph at her side
Callused hands and weary eyes
There were no midwives to be found
In the streets of David's town
In the middle of the night

So he held her and he prayed
Shafts of moonlight on his face
But the baby in her womb
He was the maker of the moon
He was the Author of the faith
That could make the mountains move

It was a labor of pain
It was a cold sky above
But for the girl on the ground in the dark
With every beat of her beautiful heart
It was a labor of love
For little Mary full of grace
With the tears upon her face
It was a labor of love

Gather 'Round Ye Children, Come (Phil. 2:6-11)

Gather round ye children come,
Listen to the old old story
Of the power of death undone
By an infant born of glory
Son of God, Son of Man

Gather 'round, remember now
How creation held its breath
How it let out a sigh
And it filled up the sky with the angels
Son of God, Son of Man

So sing out for joy for the brave little boy
Who was God, but He made Himself nothing
He gave up His pride and He came here to die
Like a man

Therefore God exalted Him
To the place of highest praises
And He gave Him a name above every name
That at the very name of Jesus, Son of God

So in heav'n and earth below
Every knee would bow in worship
And ev'ry tongue would proclaim
That Jesus, He reigns with the angels

So that's all for now. I do wish you could here this...so check it out if you get the chance. Anyway, like I said, there is a big update coming. I just wanted to share this for now. Love to all!

Hairspray: A necessity in more ways than one

2005-12-08T23:27:00.000-06:00

Wow. I went to go see this musical last night at it was the BOMB! I mean, I don't want to rush to tell everyone to see it because I might have a different opinion, but it was SO fun. What made it so great for my family though is that we were OBSESSED as obsessed can be with the original movie version that came out in 1988 (with Ricki Lake, Divine, Jerry Stiller...ring a bell?). I really have NO idea how we got so hooked on it...but hooked on it we were. We literally watched it once a week, if not every other day... for YEARS on end. Most of our fads wore off quickly, but this one was long-living. So, I think a good musical is a good musical (it's won 8 Tony's I think), but like I said, it was even more fun for me and my family because we were watching one of our favorite things come to life on stage. It definitely is not in a class with something like Les Mis, Phantom, Lion King or Wicked, but DEFINITELY worth the experience. Plus, it was in the Cadillac Palace Theater, which, as you can see below, is G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S!

We ate in Greek Town before the show, which is one of my favorite areas of the city. We had awesome food and sat next to the cutest baby in the entire world. He was only 7 months but he could move his mouth like that baby "Bob" (I think) from the Quizno's commercials. He was hilarious!

The night only got better when we were in the bathroom before the show (I know you're thinking...where can this go? Only downhill...You are correct.) So one of my family members (for annonimity I will not disclose which one), thinking that we were the only ones in the restroom, and being VERY uncouth, shouts from her stall, "MAN! I think I've got to go number two!" Being that I can see the feet of someone next to me that is NOT in our family I reply, "[INSERT NAME], that is pretty rude. There are other people in here." She then replies, "No there are NOT!" AND THEN and old woman's voice says, "Yes, dear, there are, but it's ok. Number two is completely natural. When you've got to go, you've got to go!" At this point, I'm pretty much on the floor, and the family member who was acting like an idiot was literally shaking the walls she was laughing so hard while trying to be silent. I had to face the old lady when I went to wash my hands and I just apologized that she had to be exposed to the wilds of my family, and explained that the one in the stall didn't get out much...Oh the things I do for a night with my family!

Anyway, I hope I haven't alienated my entire reading population with that story. Perhaps it will make some of you love me even more. Either way, I still need to get to bed tonight, so this is it. Tomorrow I'm off to Kirksville, home of the smallest gene pool west of the Mississippi (and yes, I just had to sing the song to spell that right...). It will be a short trip, but a good one indeed! I'm getting SO spoiled being able to have all these fun weekends with people that I love so dearly that I usually never get to see. This is the third one in like a month and a half! I will get to see Beej, Laura, Emily, Becky and Jason, Dom and Ang, former K-Life kids (who are now soph's in college! Freak me out!), the Gall family, and old prof I love, and TONS of fun more people who I can't even mention. I love it...

What's that? 9-3?

2005-12-04T22:06:00.000-06:00

ok. i keep saying that i understand that few, if any, people reading this care about the bears. and so you would think that maybe i'd stop writing about it...but it's just too exciting. i won't say much, just YYYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSS for another victory! i can't say the game was played flawlessly by either side, but i'm just glad we ended up on top. you can find more about this ever-so-exciting game here and here.

YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING I LIKE? HERE IT IS!

(It almost makes me feel bad for Favre....almost)

Watch out Martha Stewart!

2005-12-02T21:38:00.000-06:00

Ok, we all know by now that I am a huge Chicago Bears fan (as every good person should be). The biggest rivalry for us is with the Green Bay Idiots...I mean, Packers (did I hear someone say 2-9? Yikes!). Anyway, because we are so close to Wisconsin, there are many tranplanted cheese-heads here and quite a few of them have found their way to my school (even the principal!). Anyway, the Bears play the Pack on Sunday and so we had a big tailgate party at my school to celebrate the festivities. Everyone brought fun food to share and we all dressed for our respective teams. I love wearing jeans to school! Anyway, I will show here the two masterpieces that I made to commemorate this special Packers' butt-whooping that will take place on Sunday...hopefully:)

I didn't tilt the Bear's cake enough so it doesn't look as good in this picture, but I assure you, it was great . However, the Packers cake turned out a little better, so I'm REALLY hoping that my baking experience has nothing to do with how the game will turn out. I even bought M&M's and separated the greens and yellows and one bowl and the blues and oranges in another bowl. THEN my old-man dog ATE the entire bowl of blue and orange ones...(let's just say I got a little bent out of shape about this...). AGAIN, I hope this is not a precursor of things to come. I mean, we're 8-3 (I know, just try to believe it anyway) and they are 2-9, so you would think that it would be no question. Favre, however is 11-0 when it comes to playing the last 11 games at Soldier field. Let's just hope that comes to a crashing halt this weekend!

Anyway...I love football a whole lot, but there's no need to write this much about it. Sorry! On to other things. How about this cat? That's our new topic. Whoever gives me the best explanation for WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE will get a prize. That should inspire some good comments. It works with my students anyway! I posted this on Xanga, but I don't really write there so I thought I would post it again. I think it deserves some more attention, and it DEFINITELY deserves an explanation. So go right ahead! Step right up and tell me what's happening here! Is this for real?

Well, I think I hear my puppy upstairs getting into cabinets that she should not be in...so I have to wrap this up. But the school quote for the day is as follows:

Scenario- In one of my Language Arts classes with kids who have been in the country for quite some time.

Me: "What does the word 'autumn' mean?"

Student 1: "Isn't that a kind of animal?"

Me: "Not exactly. Actually, not at all."

Student 2 to Student 1: "Duh, STUPID! It means spring!"

Wow, guys. This is why I go to work everyday:) I love it! Anyway, here's to everyone having a great weekend, best friends being in love, glorious honeymoons for great friends in St. Lucia, a sweet Bears' victory, Martha-like kitchen skills (ha), and the glorious holiday season! How's that for a random list of hopes and thanks? Ok, I really going now. Don't forget that I want cat answers. And oh yeah- the holiday polls are about to be closed, so go vote below if you have not. I think Arbor Day feels lonely...

In the spirit of the season...

2005-11-28T22:51:00.000-06:00

DA BEARS!!!

2005-11-27T15:15:00.000-06:00

Ok, I know I might be opening a can of worms here, but I've just GOT to say....

HOW 'BOUT THEM BEARS!?!?!?

I imagine I'm the only Chicago Bears fan that has anything to do with this page, so I don't expect a wild response to this. I am just crazy about this team, and it makes me SO happy when they win. During games I try to remind myself that it's just sports and nothing in my life will really change either way, win or lose. I find myself praying for victory and then laugh at myself thinking, "What purpose will God have in a Bear's victory, especially when I'm sure there's just as many people praying for the other team?" I try not to let it get to me when they lose (and as a Bear's fan, you know I've had a lot of experience with that...) but it DOES change my mood. I get really sad! Is that ok? I know some people will read this and say, "Oh Bercos...there you go getting carried away with something and being dramatic about no big deal"....while others will say, "JUST SPORTS!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'JUST SPORTS'? Of course it's a big deal!!"

There's no real thought to share or point to convey here...I just had to do something after I finished galloping around my family room to celebrate the win:) I bet you all wish you could have been here for that part instead...I wish that too!

For more about this awesome victory that makes the Bears 8-3 (with a 7 game winning streak- best since the '86 season!) click here.

sad, sad news

2005-11-26T16:24:00.000-06:00

let us all mourn together...

to find out what has me so distressed, please click here.

best entertainment around

2005-11-26T00:22:00.000-06:00

ok, maybe i don't get out enough, but i thought i would share some things that i find hilarious. you may have seem them before as at least one is a pretty famous clip that has circulated the internet quite a bit. anyway, without furthur adieu, may i present to you...

THE NUMA NUMA KID

and

LOVE SICK AICHA BOY

no promises here folks. like i said, maybe i just don't get out enough. although, i'm not alone in my thoughts about these two. i waited for almost an hour with l. beckner and tk at the beckner's house late one night for the numa numa one to download...and then the three of us watched it about 25 times in a row and i think we even memorized the moves. it was awesome. i got the aicha one from a girl i used to babysit, and we laughed until we cried as we watched it over and over again as well. ah, to delight in the simple things! enjoy!

3:17

2005-11-24T23:16:00.000-06:00

it is 3:17 on the day meant to give You thanks
and i have given you none.
how did i get this far without a mention of Your name
or a simple prayer of gratefulness?
i bow my head;
half in shame, half in prayer.
i start my list of why i give thanks
and i quickly find myself in the place
where words have no meaning.
they cease and i do the only thing
one can when the soul cannot speak.
i lift my hands in praise,
stop waiting for them to come,
and give thanks instead that you know my heart.

fellow soldiers

2005-11-22T23:50:00.000-06:00

Wow. I was telling someone the other day about my friends and how blessed I have been. I described how amazing it has been to be surrounded (even at a distance) by people who are willing, at any cost, to battle for me; for my very soul. As I described it I wondered if I was being dramatic (which is not too hard to imagine), especially when she replied that she didn't hear language like that used very often about friendships. I didn't need much more than this weekend to confirm that not only was I NOT being over-dramatic; that I was perhaps even failing in describing the intensity of the love and the determination of the fight.

This might not be news to some of you. Perhaps you have always been great at sharing yourself with other people, and have long seen what it is to have people stand in your place to fight. But not me. I mean, I have known of such devotion, but I have never truly experienced it for a very particular reason. I love to help others bear their burdens. I love to carry people through rough times. I will cry with people. I will pray for people. I will hurt more for others than I ever will for myself. In all of this I have thought I was doing the world a favor. I am by NO means saying that I have ever done this perfectly, but I think on some level I thought this was some kind of selflessness, some kind of service. I hope to have a spirit of empathy, and I'm not dismissing that as nothing; I praise God for it. But ironically, these acts that might seem selfless kept me from the one thing that would require denying myself more than anything: sharing MY pain. Being real with people with not just how I'm doing in general, but the condition of my spirit. Being real about not only the things that bother me a little, but things that bring me to my knees and put me on my face. I'm not a closed off person. It's not that I've been afraid to let people get a glimpse of my struggles (well, a little). They can look all they want. But I have never let anyone take on my yoke. For so long (a.k.a my entire life) I have done two things:

1. Not show the people around me how I am really doing (especially with hurt)...OR
2. If I manage to show them, I treat it with a "just so you know" attitude and then close off any opportunity for them to help bear the load.

He is showing me that ironically there can be pride in my only helping others; but to lay myself out for others to pick up and carry...THAT is the dispelling of the ego of which I have never had any part. THAT is the sacrifice he is asking of me. Saying it now I can hear the echo of the entire Gospel. Above all, He wants US, not our service, not our acts.

Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (Emphasis mine). There is clearly a reciprocal nature to these relationships to which He calls us...

There is something miraculous about being a part of a group of people that will give their all for me at all times. This weekend was really amazing in so many ways. I got to see so many fun people, and I laughed and danced and did everything else great that I love. I also got to pour my heart out to some dear friends with whom I have wanted to talk on a "real" level for a long time. I hate having to do that kind of stuff over the phone, and I was praying that I would have the chance to talk about some things while with so many of them in person. God was faithful to carve out just enough time, just when I needed it, right when I was with the people I wanted to be with. I spoke to all of them differently, but I spoke all the same. I (in so many words) asked every single one of them not only to be aware of my situation, but also if they would join me in bearing my current load. It was so humbling, and so freeing...not to mention so beautifully touching to see them rush to my aid and instantly lift the weight from my back.

On Sunday I was really bummed about coming back here after the weekend I had. My life here is getting better all the time, but it's still rough. I usually don't look forward to it, but I was more sad to leave than I have been in leaving my friends since graduating. The last thing BJ and I did was to go see "Walk the Line"- the Johnny Cash movie, right before I had to head to the airport (check out Sara's page for a full review- I agree with her!). Anyway, we got in the car and I said, "I think I'm going to cry" and by the time I had finished that sentence there were tears my eyes. My tears only increased as we got closer to the airport. I thought I would be able to turn them off a little quicker, especially before reaching the part where your breathing patterns change and it's hard to get a good breath. I shocked myself with my emotional state, but not Beej. She took my hand, drove to the airport, and instead of just dropping me off, went into the parking garage and found a random spot. She threw the car in park, took my other hand, and prayed for me an incredible prayer. Then she played a song for me, and sang to me, helped me dry my tears, and then brought me to where I needed to be. I was exhausted and sad as I walked into the airport...but for the first time I can remember, I said to myself, "This is what it feels like to let someone fight for me...to let someone help with the load." It was scary and amazing at the same time. I am grateful beyond words for what He is teaching me...and that I am blessed enough to have so many of His AMAZING servants in my life to help me see in real and tangible ways what He asks of me. Thank you, thank you, thank you...You know who you are!

Hosea 11:4
I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love;
I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.

SO true...

Written across the sky

2005-11-21T22:49:00.000-06:00

I saw You this morning
written across the sky;
and You took away my breath
as You blew one of yours my way.
And I know that it comes
just to cause a smile
on this face
that so often loses sight of Yours.

Breathe on me; send Your life
On the wind that sings Your name
And declares that You Are.
Breathe on me; Breath of Life
and fill me with all that You are,
to make me what You want me to be.

seven degrees

2005-11-16T23:40:00.000-06:00

That's the current temperature outside my house. Yep. Seven degrees. How did this happen so fast?!? I seems that only days ago I was riding my bike through balmy breezes and enjoying trees full of beautiful leaves. This is most likely because it WAS only a few days ago. This is has been the trend for the past few years around here. There's no season transitions anymore. It's just one, then the other. Crazy!

It snowed all day here. I would complain about that but it ended up being neat...I got to watch one of my students see snow for the first time (in person, not in pictures). She is a 6th grader who just moved here from Colombia, and as you can imagine, it doesn't snow much at about 2 degrees above the equator. It was so awesome to watch her eyes as she saw the little white flakes whip around in the air and freeze everything. There's not many people around here that make it to 12 years old without seeing it, so it was awesome to experience her awe and wonder as she watched what was happening. So cool!

Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm writing because it's almost 11:30 and I have to be up in a few short hours...and I have a feeling I won't be getting much sleep in the next few nights. The great news is that tomorrow right after school I leave for St. Louis! The sad news is that I will only be there for about 10 hours before leaving for Kansas City. The good news from there though is that I'm going to KC for the nuptuals of DOM and ANGELA!!! YIPPEEEE! (Not too many things would merit a "yippee" in my book- I hope they know how special this is:) The bad news though is that I'm singing in the wedding and I stand with the ability to destroy the entire sacred ceremony that people have been looking forward to for ever!! I trust that Someone else will take care of it all though...I'm not going to worry! And I shouldn't have called it "bad news"- I'm just a little nervous and I hope that I can produce something worthy of what they've been dreaming of. I am so, SO honored to be a part of their ceremony...oh how dear they are to my heart!

Here we all are celebrating after the last wedding we were at together (Daum/Niles). Nice, Dom.

Here are the two little lovebirds exclaiming, "We're getting married soon!!! YEA!" They might be saying something else too...

Ok, we're not lovebirds (debatable), but I like her a whole lot. I thought I would add this fun one of Beej and I too in celebration that we will soon be together again!

Ok, folks. It's 11:39 and I need to pack still. I hate that! We'll see what I end up with for the weekend:) I won't be around this for a while so try to survive a few days without any word from me. Change that. Enjoy the break:)

The Place of Cholicho (Pledge of Allegiance part II)

2005-11-14T23:21:00.000-06:00

Ok kids. I really am not being mean. Maybe I am and I keep writing that so I don't feel bad...but I hope not.

I have another version of the pledge for you. In some ways it's not as good as the "plage of yolichion" but it has highlights all of its own. This student couldn't even follow the pattern of the words, so there's a lot missing. I like what we have here though. It get's a little violent at the end, but it's still fun. I'll let you read it for yourself:

"I place chalicho to the flag
the Republic and to the United States
under word with yespec
and jousting people for all."

And JOUSTING PEOPLE?!?! YIKES! We can only hope we never turn to vowing that every morning to our national emblem. Junior high is scary enough without having to worry about facing the javelin at the hands of my students every morning.

That's all for now I think. Wait. One more thing. Elisa once said, "Comments are my love language" (I think Gary Chapman is quickly editing his classic book and changing the title to The Six Love Languages...). I laughed at her wit, agreed with her, and then decided to use the quote here to make you feel like you should leave me a little comment, which for me means a little love:)

Tonight's equation: Bercos + Comments= True love forever

More than words

2005-11-13T23:23:00.000-06:00

"Let It All Out" -Relient K

Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out
remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed
cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need
and today I will trust you with confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength
and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you
and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light

This song came to me at a time when I desperately needed it. I had been stalked by the Relient K CD that this song is on and I didn't know why. I knew they were not my favorite band, but everywhere I went that could sell music somehow had it displayed prominently. Of all things I have ever run from, a CD had never been one of them. I was pretty sure (100% really) that I was supposed to buy it, but I didn't get why. I thought maybe their sales were down and God was going to use divine consumerism to keep them from lagging. Don't ask...
Anyway, I ended up buying the CD (after about 3 months when I saw it for $9.99) and hoped that there was actually something on there for me to enjoy. Track 1, no, track 2, no, and so on...I was getting discouraged at track 8, but pushed on to track 9 and found my answer. I wept at what I heard and praised God for hunting me down through a random CD. It didn't leave my CD player for a week and I only played track 9. It didn't get old. Every time I heard the words they were like a soothing balm on my heart. My heart was broken and I could only ask him why...and then I heard in this song, "You said I know that this will hurt, but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse...If the burden seems too much to bear, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

Never before had I needed to hear such words; never were they so sweet. Amazing how He breaks through the walls I build while running away...and through a simple song He gave me will to keep going. It was so much more than the words...
It was my Lord meeting me where I was and speaking a bandage over my heart. It was relief from the storm and the sweetest shelter I have ever known.

Tonight on the way from the grocery store, I felt worship for the first time in a long time. I mean, I have said the words, but they have been nothing more than that. I have said them, not in vain, but in the sincere hope that putting them on my lips would put them in my heart. My plan has failed me. As I drove home singing "More than enough" I found myself in tears. For the first time in a long time I believed, "All of You is more than enough for all of me." It's a song I've sung more times than I can count, but I don't know the last time that the lyrics have been more than words. I've instead believed, "My pain is greater than Your mercy. My sin is bigger than Your grace. My defeat is beyond Your victory. My wound is deeper than Your healing." I knew I wasn't right, but I couldn't escape my thoughts. But I sang tonight, and even if only for a few minutes, I believed Him. In the depths of me I believe Him at all times, but I pray that I will see this truth at all times, in all circumstances. I am thankful for him taking me beyond the words...

WORD- Madeleine L'Engle

I, who live by words, am wordless when
I try my words in prayer. All language turns
To silence. Prayer will take my words and then
Reveal their emptiness. The stifled voice learns
To hold its peace, to listen with the heart
To silence that is joy, is adoration.
The self is shattered, all words torn apart
In this strange patterned time of contemplation
That, in time, breaks time, breaks words, breaks me
And then, in silence, leaves me healed and mended.
I have returned to language, for I see
Through words, even when all words are ended,
I, who live by words, am wordless when
I turn me to the Word to pray.
Amen.

Hilarious Hilarities

2005-11-11T23:45:00.000-06:00

Hello friends. As you may or may not know by now (and you should), I am a bilingual teacher. Therefore, day in and day out I am surrounded by people who are trying to learn English. I see some pretty funny things in my students' work (see the last post for a vivid example), but NONE of that compares to what I have found on this site: www.engrish.com I do not, repeat DO NOT, endorse all items and captions found there, but for the most part it is delightful and (mainly) innocent fun.

Here are a few of my favorites!!

Ok great, now that I have this here you can't even read it. What is says here on this candy wrapper, called "Eggs of Sacred Crane Chocolate" is, "This cake, from on original recipe, is lovingly made bay the greatest bakers. Its taste will probably satisfy you." No thanks, no crane eggs for me...especially if the taste will only "probably" satisfy me.

You know...just your typical public service announcement...

Who wants some creamy ball candy!?!?! I don't like EITHER of those words, and together they sound even worse!!!

In case you can't read it, the caption on the lawn sign is translated, "Don't touch me, I'm afraid of hurt." Who knew grass could have such emotional baggage?

Check out #69. Again, no thanks...that spicy sauce would only be able to cover up so much...

From the side of a toaster oven...

Do YOU feel toast? My heart and rock and roll time always go together...while I'm shocking the toast that is...Unless I'm interrupped by London calling once again...

Hello! Of COURSE I want to join in vehement athletics! (This is a pencil box...)

MMMM.... There's nothing I like better to top off my rice than hot bowel. Everybody dig in!

This might be my favorite. Is this really a toy robot named God-Jesus? What's it going to do with that tomahawk-cross combo? If you look closely, I think you will notice on the left that it first shows a boy sitting thinking about a girl. Then, with the help of his God-Jesus robot he says, "NO!" On the right, God-Jesus is bringing someone flowers. What IS this thing? And WHY did they think it would be a good idea to call it God-Jesus?

NOTICE: I would not put this here if I thought it was intentionally sacrilegious. If you are offended, I apologize. I found it funny and nothing more...

Well, that's all the fun I have time for today. I hope you enjoyed your time here!

Closing sidenote that has nothing to do with the rest of this ridiculous post:

I am thankful for no school today; I am more thankful for WHY I don't have school today. With everything I am, I am grateful for those who have fought for us...

The Plage of Yolichion

2005-11-09T23:20:00.000-06:00

Ok, ok. I know I shouldn't make fun of my students...and I'm not...really. It's just that this was too great to pass up. I have a student in my program that just got here from Mexico 2 months ago. This week we have been working on memorizing the Pledge of Allegiance in English and understanding what it means. Today he had it down pat when I asked him to recite it to me by himself. He had seen it quite a bit in print, so I asked him if he would write it on the board for me as well. He wrote a lot of it VERY well, and I was impressed, but I had a really hard time not cracking up when I looked up and saw what he had written on the board. You can't make this stuff up, folks... 100% all him!

"I plage Yolichion to the flay of the Unites Estates of America; and to the Republic, for which it estends, one necion, onder good, and the basebol, wich liberty and justic for all."

The word "yolichion" really threw me off, but if you know Spanish, you will recognize that it is mostly phonetically correct..it just looks crazy compared to "allegiance"! My favorite part is at the end where he wrote "and the basebol" for "indivisible". Again, the sound isn't too far off...I just think it's funny that he thought that baseball was important enough to us to talk about it with our national emblem every morning. To his credit, he's only lived here during baseball season and experienced the madness of living in a city whose team won the World Series...I guess I can see why he would think it was that important to us. Isn't that funny though?

Anyway, that's the story for today. And all that nice stuff about Bella? I want to take it back...she just pulled the chocolate cake (that I made from scratch for over 2 hours) off the counter and put her face in it. I TOLD you she likes chocolate too much for her own good! It was for school for a friend's birthday tomorrow. Lucky for me I made two...I guess the nice things about Bella can stay:) What a lucky girl!

A Dog After My Own Heart

2005-11-09T22:01:00.000-06:00

Bellisima Mia Dulcinea Malise: Age 4 months

...Or you can just call her Bella

I have referenced this sweet little pup in my life before, and even promised photos, so I figured it was time to make good on that. Look at her little face! She's bigger now, but still so cute. I love her to death, but she drives me crazy now because she has SO much energy and I have SO little time... but I know I owe it to her to give her as much attention and exercise as I can. I feel like the mother of a toddler, but I probably won't put my kids in a cage when it's time to sleep (although a crib has a strong resemblance...) and I'll try to feed them something that doesn't make my stomach turn. But other than that...this might be good practice:)

She makes me nuts sometimes. She does, however, still steal my heart with her little kisses, when she takes naps with me, and the way her butt shakes when she walks (she's got a ghetto bootie if I've ever seen one...YES- dogs can have them evidently).

This is Bella last Thanksgiving- my own little slice of pumpkin pie!

(No, I don't subject her to dog clothes every day...)

I call her a dog after my own heart because she probably drives me nuts only in the ways she is so like me! She acts up if she doesn't get enough attention; she cries if she's been away from her mom too long; she gets feisty if her dinner is late; she's cranky, moody, and unpleasant without enough exercise; she loves to take naps; she loves chocolate more than she should (at least I haven't had to have my stomach pumped yet!); she loves to get her ears rubbed (ok, maybe that's just me); and absolutely adores playing in leaves. See? We are so much alike! Except I know who my daddy is and I usually take showers to bathe myself. I would not like to try her method of personal hygiene...It just wouldn't seem right.

Here she is on my sister's lap at about 3 months. So THIS is why I bought her...

Ironically, as I finish the post of (mainly) praise for my little labby-poo, I just had to get up from the computer, bolt out of the basement and bring her inside because she was barking like a savage beast at 10PM. Again, hopefully this is another point that will be different from having kids. If I'm going to be pulling my kids in at night for barking at the neighbors...I don't even want to know about it! Anyway...enough about a dog. I am not and WILL NOT become one of those obsessive pet people. They're a scary breed of their own...

I'll be back soon...I've got a hilarious school happening to write about!

These are the days...

2005-11-03T22:52:00.000-06:00

Fall is glorious!

There is a baby maple like this tree in my front yard and I love it. I love it because even though it is small, it is gloriously, deliciously red. Not only does it prove delightful just looking upon it standing alone, but it also reflects an amazing amount of sunlight into my house in the afternoon. The beautiful part is that it stains the sunlight red, and therefore there are crimson shadows all around my house just before dark. I love it!

I can't wait for this weekend. I hope I don't do much. Nothing's better than the kind of day that allows for more time spent IN the couch pouch than out of it...

If you still don't know what the couch pouch is, then ask me to post a picture of one because one should not go through life without knowing.

This may be my shortest post ever. I just have one more thing to add. Not many people participated in the "game" I posted. Click on the "i've got the moody blues" post and go to the bottom of it and play! I'm the one that has to do the work...you have no excuse!

Ok, ok...I couldn't resist. I just had to put one up. This model here is labeled as a "snuggle sack" but I previously informed you that the terms are interchangeable. The only thing that makes mine cooler is that it is bright, bright red, has more defined ankle holes, and it is has been worn by half the population of the free world. Let's take a running tally of those who have worn the couch pouch (with OR without me still in it)!!!

when the pieces fit...

2005-11-02T17:24:00.000-06:00

there's a song on a CD i made so long ago that i don't remember who sings it, but it has a line in the chorus that says, "and the pieces fit" talking about her life. it talks a lot about who she was before knowing God (being a square peg in a round hole, trying to climb a ladder but only slipping...), and how with everything He has done, now the pieces fit. i'm jealous every time i hear it. sometimes i praise God in advance for the day i will say the phrase myself, but i usually cry, wondering when all my pieces will fit. i'm not even sure i have all the pieces, let alone the knowledge of how they fit together. so i'm left wondering, "when will the pieces fit? what's missing and how do i find it?" i feel robbed sometimes...like it's so easy for everyone else. believe me, i know other people suffer too, but it seems like for everyone else, eventually at least, the pieces DO fit. everything DOES come together. things DO get easier. the clouds DO pass. did i miss the boat? is it obvious to everyone else but me? what follows may or not make sense. i'm not going to explain it. that might be fair, it might not, but i want to write it, so i will...

sometimes i wonder who i would be...
if he had never left
if the other hadn't hurt me
if she could have been there
if the other had been my friend
if i knew how to love me
if i knew that He loved me
if i never lost the one i needed
if i never broke in two
if i had been put back together
if i was someone's number one
if i knew how to breathe deeper
if i knew less fear
if i could be whole again

i feel like apologizing for posting such a "downer" on usually such an upbeat place. it's important to me to share this stuff too...i hope you don't mind.

"I like reading God's words"

2005-10-30T15:44:00.000-06:00

Ok. I think this will be short after that last one. I just wanted to pause and tell you all about something cool that happened at school on Friday. So, if you have read this before or talked to be after a long day at school, you know that I often have complaints about my students, or at least comical stories to tell. This week was no different, but those happenings were overshadowed by a conversation I had with my 6th grade Language Arts class. I was walking around the room at the beginning of class making sure all the kids were writing their daily journal entry. I saw one of them had a Bible with him. I was intrigued and asked him, "Are you reading that?" to which he responded, "Yeah, I love it." I thought that was great but I couldn't say much in a public school. I asked him what he liked so much about it and he replied, "When I read it, I'm reading God's words. I like reading God's words." It was such a simple statement, and I have heard the Bible called "God's Word" how many times...but it just seemed to fresh and new to hear him say it the way he did. What happened next though really knocked me off my rocker (remind me not to use that phrase again). He asked, "Miss Bercos, will you read this to us?" and all the kids started saying, "Yeah, yeah Miss Bercos! Read to us from the Bible! We want to hear it!" I feared at that point that I was dreaming because it just seemed so unlikely (and a bit like something out of a Bible-For-Kids promotional video). It broke my heart to say it, but I obviously had to explain that I could not do that in school and gave a short explanation of separation of church and state (I left out how much my rear would be on the line if I did!). One of the girls then said, "But Miss Bercos, we all believe in God here. We just want to hear it. Can you please?" All the other kids agreed, and I can't tell you how much I just wanted to take it and read them a great story or a favorite Psalm. I, of course, could not and did not, but I was so amazed at them and how much they wanted to hear it, and how dissappointed they were when I said no. I just pray that they have one of their own and that they don't take my inability to read it to them in class as a sign that I don't want them to read it period. I think I explained that, but you have to be so careful with what you say in schools. Say a prayer for them, will you- that they would find the time on their own or with their families...and that I would find a way to encourage them while being respectful of my school, my students and the law...

I stand humbled again...

Lord, thank you for children.

i've got the moody blues

2005-10-28T16:52:00.000-05:00

hello friends. i am tired today. really, really tired. it is mostly my fault though, so i cannot complain too much. i behaved like a hoodlum this week, going out at random and staying up until all hours of the morning. wednesday night was hilarious because i went to see the moody blues in concert. if i was tech savvy, i would have made a link back there so you could all be transported to their awesome website, but i just don't know how. and really, it might be for the best that you stay away. just kidding- they were actually pretty awesome. aside from the fact that i was the only person there under 50 and i had a headache that made me feel like my life was about to be over, i really enjoyed myself. it was a taste of the past, to say the least. it was cool watching my mom relive all her "glory days" (and nights) listening to those ancient rockers. i did not dig the 60 year old guitarist with his shirt unbuttoned halfway, but the music was pretty cool. what WAS NOT cool was the guy in front of me who was DEFINITELY on drugs. if i had to guess, i'd say it was meth. this guy was wacked out like i have never seen. it was hilarious at first because he was by himself and talking to everyone and shouting song titles to get them to sing what he wanted. my favorite outburst was, "NIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN!! YEEEEAH!!!!!" because not only was he being ridiculous, but that song titile is so hilarious i can barely handle it. it was actually even funnier to me because i had only heard the title and not seen it written, so i was thinking "KNIGHTS in white satin" which is an awesome visual. i thought it might be what the moody blues called themselves in the 70's when they dressed up in white satin disco suits to perform. anyway, this character in front of me jumped out of his seat after EVERY song and pumped his fists in the air shouting, "YEAH BABY!!!! MOODY BLUES!!! YEAH!!!" it was in a smaller theater so it was really noticeable to basically everyone there. He was finally warned to calm down, and he settled down for the rest of the concert. he was still talking to himself and singing the whole time, but it was better than enduring 3 hours of shouting. (this is what the moody blues USED to look like...not exactly what i saw!)

i was so tired that during the concert my thoughts were wandering quite a bit. i came across a question that i'm not sure anyone has ever asked themselves during a moody blues concert before. the question was, "why have i never seen a raw ham?" has anybody ever held a raw ham? it's always precooked. i posed this question to my mother during the intermisson and she didn't even think it was a strange thing to bring up (she must be used to the way things work in my head...) and she told me the following. "a ham is not a ham unless it's cooked. that's like asking why you have never bought melted ice. that would be called water. raw ham is just pork." WHAT!?!?! i mean, i know that ham, bacon, and pork are all from a pig, but i don't get it. it seems like it would be a different part of the animal. i mean, pulled pork is nothing like ham. is my mom saying if you take that same meat and have it cooked "ham style" you get a ham? what in the world? if anyone has any insights into this mystery, please help me out. i did a google image search for "raw ham" and all i found was prosciutto. what does this mean?

my rockin' and rollin' continued into thursday night, when i went out with 2 of my good girl friends from work and about 10 cops. it was hilarious! one of the girls has been dating this one cop (who we call "hot cop") ever since he did a drug identification presentation at our school. he brought his friends, and she brught hers, and let's just say it was a blast. we went to this local bar/ hang-out and we had the best time. there was a band there that i was NOT expecting to be anything to get excited about...but they were AWESOME!! every song they played sounded exactly like the actual group who sings it- and we're not just talking a few different sounds. they played anything from U2, the beach boys, and the killers, to coldplay, maroon 5, and def leppard. i don't really have a thing for cover bands, but these guys really did every single song justice. they might have even given a few bands a run for their money. it was just a great night- probably the most fun i've had since living here. everyone went nuts when they played "pour some sugar on me" and "where the streets have no name" and it just felt like one big party. of course, staying out until 1:30 AM on a school night (yes, i still call it that as a teacher) was NOT a bright idea. i'm pretty sure it's part of what helped me get so sick this weekend. i guess you gotta do what you gotta do though, right?

anyway...this post is eternal (i've actually sat down with it about 3 times) so i'm going to wrap it up...here's something bj had on her blog that i have to put on mine because that's the rules (and i think it's fun). listen (read) carefully because a lot of people got confused on her blog. JUST WRITE A COMMENT WITH YOUR NAME AND I FILL OUT THE REST. AN EXAMPLE IS SHOWN FROM WHEN I WROTE MY NAME ON BJ'S BLOG AND SHE WROTE BACK FOR ME. YOU WILL FIND THE EXAMPLE BELOW THE LIST. REMEMBER, JUST WRITE ME YOUR NAME. I WRITE THIS ABOUT YOU.

good. i hope that's all clear now. here's the game:

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST.

***Bercos***
1. No one wears a couch pouch quite like you can.
2. songs: "She ain't nothin' but a hoochie mama, hood rat hood rat hoochie mama..." "In da club" "Revolution" "Penny for your thoughts" Movie: waiting for guffman
3. soy
4. I would say something about the dreamland express, but you blew our cover!!! Instead, I will just say in an eerily creepy voice through the closet... "I'll get you my prescious....."
5. refusing to be your friend because our sisters were convinced we would be awesome friends. man. we showed them wrong.
6. praying mantis
7. What really goes on inside your head? I mean, seriously. You boggle my mind in amazing ways.
8. If dreams were pennies, I'd be your piggy bank. Post it.

WOW, bj, thanks for all the compliments. i'm pretty sure you just called me a "hood rat hoochie mama", said that you never really wanted to be my friend, compared me to a sick insect that eats its male counterpart after mating and then called me crazy. yeah, i love you too! I PROMISE I'LL BE A LOT NICER TO PEOPLE!!!

peace and love...

mujer bendecida

2005-10-26T00:32:00.000-05:00

I will say it again and again. I am blessed! Wow, this weekend was really great! The wedding was SO beautiful, and I loved getting to see so many awesome people and just getting away from the same-old, same-old for a bit. I got to see my long-time friend Nate (the punk who likes to post belligerent, bellicose and smart a** comments on here) who I really never get to see, and so that was great. Aside from his comments he leaves here, he really is a great guy:) I also got to see the lovely bride and groom (obviously), Jason and Becky, and I had not seen either for a LONG time. I will not list more because then someone will come here and say, "You didn't say MY name...Well I guess I don't care about seeing you either!" But if I saw you and I love you, you should KNOW how awesome that was for me:) I will say, however, that I had a BLAST with Beej (save one questionable encounter on the dance floor), and the lovely Laura Frick (who sang like a freaking angel at the wedding!!) and that is was SO great to be with Dom and Angela with only ONE MONTH to go until their very own nuptuals! Yea!!! (Oops...I think I just made the list I said I wouldn't make. Get over it!)

The wedding and the reception were so great (we ROCKED that dance floor...can we say "Footloose" and "I Would Do Anything for Love"!?!?! The DJ even stopped to tell us that he had never seen people get down and have fun like we did!!). Then a huge group of us went to Famous Daves for live music and plenty o' drinks. The following picture is proof that Beej had at least one too many and took her clothes off in the middle of the bar. I have no explanation for Dylan. But really, who ever does? :)

Ok, ok. So BJ wasn't really naked. But doesn't it look like it? Ah, the power of strapless dresses! I had a blast that night, but it was sad that we were all so tired. It was a long day and so we didn't make it very far into the early-morning hours. I wanted to post a picture of the whole crew here hanging out at Dave's, but it's being lame. You can see it on BJ's page if you want...she has the same one.

Not to go in reverse order, but here's what happened before I got there...

I loved not having to work on Friday, so that got things started out right. My dad picked me up to take me to O'Hare and we got to go out to brunch first, so that was great. He lives so close, but between our two schedules, we hardly ever get to see each other. I got to do a conference call for him in Spanish on the way to the airport. Lucky for him that he has a daughter that he can use at will!

It's really cool to be able to have something that I can use like that. The ability to speak Spanish is such a blessing to me! I used it again later in the day once I was on the plane. I knew the lady sitting next to me didn't speak English, but I don't ever assume what language could be one's native tongue. I happed to be reading (devouring, really) a book called Hoyos (you may have heard it called "Holes" in English...:) and she saw what I was reading. She asked me if I spoke Spanish and she was so excited to have someone to talk to. She was from Colombia and was visiting family all over the country, but was having hard time in between being that she didn't speak English. It was awesome to be able to translate the information from the loud speaker for her, just to make her feel more comfortable. Everyone around us was staring while we chatted away, and I think they thought we were together, and that I spoke no English either. I imagine this is the case because when I went to ask the flight attendant for my drink in English I heard some small gasps and got some weird looks. It was random, but fun...and funny to see people's reactions too:) The final use of Spanish for the day was talking to my waiter at the Tapas place I went to with Nate on Friday night (you are lucky you can READ the word "tapas"- most people, upon hearing what I did on Friday night, thought I went to "topless" place...because that's the kind of classy person I am...thanks guys!) Nate said something that led the waiter to realize that I speak Spanish, and so we talked for a bit. He was really nice, his name was Fernando, and oddly enough, he was fromColombia, from a town very close to where the lady on the plane lives. This world is getting smaller!

Anyway...I cannot believe how LITTLE sleep on which I am surviving! It's after midnight, so I have to be up in 5 hours. Gross! This weekend just snowballed into less and less sleep. I literally ran off the plane when it landed and went straight to babysitting all Sunday afternoon and night. They were going to be home at 7 or 8, but it kept getting longer. It was for a Bears coach (don't ask me who on here:) and the game went over, then they went to dinner, and then they got lost (they are new to the area). He's so busy during the season that I never want to say no because I know their time together is precious. Plus, they have 3 year old son that is TOO cute and just hilarious. We were watching the game on TV and he's walking around singing, "There's my dad, la la la la...There's my dad, he's a coach for DA BEARS!" I mean really, how much can I take? Just too cute! Our evening ended with a trip to the ever-so-serene local CHUCK E. CHEESE; where a kid can be a kid, and an adult can want their life to be over. Ok, so it wasn't so serious, but MAN is that place obnoxious!!! Not exactly "a place to unwind" after a busy (albeit great) weekend.

So I hit the ground crawling on Monday morning, and I crawled through today. And given the time, I will crawl through tomorrow. The glorious thing about tomorrow is that it's "Teacher/Student Switch Day" as a part of our Spirit Week activities. That means I get to wear jeans and a sweatshirt and no deoderant tomorrow. YES!!! Ok, I won't be too true to my real-life students. I'll just stick to the jeans and sweatshirt:) Deoderant is back in the game. I wish I could convey that to my students...I mean, I'm getting choked daily. You don't even want to talk about what I experience after recess...but as usual, that's a whole other post.

I really should wrap things up here. This is getting to be ridiculous. I hope everyone has a fabulous day, and come by again real soon, ya hear?

One last thing: Happy Birthday to the one and only Allison Anne Herndon (nee Sharp) on her GOLDEN birthday. 26 on the 26th!! Love you, love you!!!

airport terminals and other mysteries

2005-10-24T22:05:00.000-05:00

Tell me something. PLEASE tell me something. Please explain to me WHO the people are who ever fly out of and/or land at the gate closest to the entrance and baggage claim. I would like to know who these people are so I may congratulate them for achieving something I have never accomplished, and at this rate, never will. I mean, for real. I know they exist because I see them every time I fly. I see them hiding behind a smug smile, pitying me as I hurry past their gate "1A" with too many bags, heading to a distant gate that is too far away, through a walkway that is way too small to accomodate all the passengers that need to get through it. They seem to know that fate has given them a free pass to sanity for the day, and enjoy watching the rest of us lose our minds as we battle for gate "24F".

I would not consider myself a frequent flyer by any means. The average has been about 5-6 trips on a plane year. Let us remember, however, that all of these trips have had 2 flights a piece...and EVERY time I have to walk to the barren wasteland of the airport. I try to be optimistic about this though. Take, for example, this weekend: I was flying out of O'Hare to go to Minneapolis for the aforementioned wedding, and I looked at my ticket and saw that I was leaving out of E13. I was sad because in that terminal that's out of 15, so I was clearly at the end. HOWEVER, I said to myself, "It's ok, at least it's not the VERY last one. That would be sad, and this trend is getting ridiculous." So I make my way to the gate, and what do I see? The only reason I wasn't flying out of E14 or E15 is because they were both under construction. SO, I really was at the last gate. I should have known that there's no way I would have jumped up a notch in the aviation world yet. I think you have to sell a portion or the entirety of your soul to the airport gods to make it work in your favor. I am, however, open to other possibilities. Please give me other theories and/or advice on changing my airport fate. (Just a note: I really don't mind the walk that much...it's just the puzzle behind ALWAYS ending up at the end that gets me. I mean, really- what are the statistics on that?)

I have so many other things to update here. They will have to wait because if I get started on anything else, I won't go to bed for a long time. And given that I didn't really sleep much this weekend (especially last night) I REALLY need to sleep. I would, however, give up a few hours of dream-time tonight if I could go back to where I found myself 48 short hours ago...in the sweet spooned embrace of my dear Brittany Jane...A joy of greatest proportions that is now so seldom found in my days and nights. We will be together again soon friend-rejoice! Here is a bedtime quote to close the evening from the days of yore (aka when Beej and I lived in the 5th street house):

"Goodnight y'all! I'm going to take a ride on the Dreamland Express." -BJ

"Goodnight y'all! I'm the Dreamland Express..." -Me

(If you don't read into it too much it's funny...Conversely, read into it too much and it immediately stops being funny...)

"Where there's never a beast or brat..."

2005-10-18T23:00:00.000-05:00

Ah, out of the mouth of babes...
I love to hear kids sing. Not only do they not care how loud they are, where they are, or who they are with, but they really don't care what the words are. I was shopping this afternoon and while in a fitting room I heard a kid with his mom a few doors down singing his heart out. He started out really loud, "YOU'RE A GRAND OLD FLAG, YOU'RE A hsmsdsjkdhjr FLAG, AND FOREVER AND PEAS MAY IT RAIN..." He kept singing loudly, just dropping his voice when he was really just making up nonsense for a word. I'm pretty sure he was marching in place too. He started up with a little more gusto at the end and the finale went like this (still marching), "WHERE THERE'S NEVER A BEAST OR BRAT! SHOULD OLD fushemaneja BE FORGOT, KEEP furhsjsja THE GRAND OLD FLAG!"

I thought it was hilarious that he chose that song of all songs to be singing, and that he gave it such emotion. And hey, if this is the land of no beasts and no brats, that's great! His mom was very complimentary, which made me happy. You wouldn't want one of those "shusher" moms in this situation to break his spirit and tell him not to sing. Good thing!

I love kids. Can you tell? I wish the things I heard at school from kids were a little more encouraging at times, but it all usually makes me laugh. Concered, but laughing. A kid quote from the day is from a girl who just moved here from Colombia. We were talking about how bright the sun was shining today and she said to me (in Spanish), "Did you know the Sun and the Moon are the same thing?" So besides that fact that I'm trying to inject 12 years of English into her head in 1 year, I also have to focus on explaining the solar system in Spanish so that she no longer goes around thinking that there is only one Sun/Moon entity that just has two faces. Yikes! Do you think they teach that somewhere in this world? Anyway, I clearly have my work cut out for me!

Speaking of moms (ok, it was a paragraph before the last), there was a mom tonight at the grocery store that was just plain nasty to her son. She was acting crazed even, like she could have been on drugs. Her poor son just looked helpless (he looked about 13- already helpless) and humiliated. She was degrading him and blaming him for things that were in the cart that she had decided she didn't want. A lot of times people that work in stores just watch that happen to not cause a problem. But tonight, kudos to the cash register lady at Jewel who totally stood up to this beast of a woman and basically told her that she had a good kid and should treat him that way. As they were leaving, the register lady said to the boy, "Goodnight, Cory!" The mean lady whipped around and asked how she knew her son's name. The register lady replied, "You screamed it in his face so many times in the past 5 minutes that I picked up on it." The mean lady looked pretty humbled and actually smiled. I don't think she apologized, but at least the rebuke made her somewhat aware of her actions. Here's to rebuking people when necessary at the grocery store...I hope I never have to see it again though. It just made me so sad that this woman needed a grocery store worker to help remind her how to treat her son!

I'm getting tired. It has been a LONG day. I think I'll go. Again... I intended to write about things of greater consequence, but I guess that will have to wait. I WOULD like to take the opportunity, however, to point out how great I've been doing using punctuation and capital letters. Ever since that first time I tried, I think all my posts have been ok. Yea for me.

I'm going to say one last thing: Yahoo for a 4-day week. Not only do I not have to go to work on Friday, but I'm missing work to get on a plane to fly up to Minneapolis for the Daum/Niles wedding. YES! I can't believe it's here already, but I am so excited for them, and to see so many great people whom I love! Love to you mother...

Weekend Wonders...

2005-10-17T22:54:00.000-05:00

So here it is...10:30 on Monday night. So many things have happened today that I could update you all on...but I think I have to mention a few weekend updates before I can get on to that. The awesome picture to the right is to represent my hot date with my friend Teal. We had a great meal at a local Greek restaurant (or estatorio, if you will) on Friday night. Among a delicious bottle of red wine, fresh tzatziki sauce and rivers of olive oil, you know we included in the evening a searing plate of saganaki- the famous flaming cheese that makes everyone yell, "OPA!" That's actually the name of the place we were at- Opa. Imagine that. Anyway, I've never seen a flame as intense as in this picture, but it always tastes amazing, and that's the important part, right? I actually make a mean saganaki myself...I guess I'll just have to have some guests up here to prove myself (hint hint). So yeah, no real story to tell here...just that it was great to spend a night with such a dear friend (who has known me since 6th grade) and who can now still relate to my life so much (as she is also a teacher). And with Greek food in the mix? Come on- it doesn't get any better!

I have little cold-type thing going on right now so I spent a lot of time on the couch this weekend. I was, however, privleged enough to be able to babysit the MOST precious little boy yesterday. He just turned four, has bright red hair, and LOVES to play pretend. Last night in the span of 2 hours he was his dad, Spiderman, and Charlotte from Charlotte's web (I got to be Wilbur, the pig. Thanks, kid!). Anyway, after a fun night of playing and snuggling on the couch watching Charlotte's Web (yes, it's kind of a kick right now with him), it was time for him to go to bed. He did everything without complaint (except when I used his name instead of "Charlotte") and hopped right into bed and curled up to sleep. I was closing the door and I heard him say, "Wait! We need to pray!" I melted and went back in and asked him if he wanted to do it or if I should. He said, "Will you pray for me? Come kneel by me." If you know me, you know my heart was in puddle on floor at this point. So I knelt and I prayed with him, watching him squeeze his eyes so tight and hang on to every word I lifted to the Father. It was so beautiful to see how important it was to him. I said "Amen" and he said, "That was wonderful..." I was so touched by his unwillingness to turn in for the night without praying. Many kids have a routine, but with him I know it really matters to him. It's amazing what you can learn in four trips around the sun. It's not the first time a child has humbled me like this, and I imagine it's because of faith like this that the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

Today's stories will have to wait until tomorrow...It's so cold in my basement that I can't feel my feet. It's only to add insult to injury as my hands are (honestly and truely) in pain from so much sign language in class tonight. But that's another post. Hasta pronto...

Contando

2005-10-14T18:12:00.000-05:00

Usualmente escribo para que me puedan entender;
Esta noche escribo asi para que no me entiendan.
Ojala que la verdad sea perdida; quiza olvidada,
O por lo menos escondida entre mis palabras.
Es que esta noche yo soy quien soy.
No me dejo vivir sin decir la verdad...
Y no alcanzo nada en mi silencio.
Me faltan palabras.
Entonces aqui me quedo,
Contando los mil mares que se quedan entre tu y yo.

"Just give him some hot wings"

2005-10-12T19:40:00.000-05:00

Ah...the joys of being a teacher! Aside from the fact that I have to smell Jr. High kids all day and I can't go to the bathroom when I want to, there are many other joys that come from doing what I do. One of those things is listening to some of the things my kids say to me. Here are a few situations from today that I found mildy to extremely hilarious:

#1- Today I was wearing an argyle sweater, a skirt, and heels. I'm sure I looked a little nicer than I usually do, what I wasn't exactly "dressed to impress." One of my 6th graders walks in my room, sits down and shouts, "WHAT...are you just TRYING to show us how rich you are? You don't gotta come here all dressed like that. DANG. It must be nice to have money." I almost started explaining that I was a teacher and that the word "rich" is not exactly synonymous with my profession. He wouldn't really understand that though, so I refrained. The irony is that I'm pretty sure that everything in the outfit was from some kind of discount store and was no more than a proud ensemble of my bargain-hunting abilities. He then continued, "I'm sorry Miss Bercos...I was just trying to say you look nice today and I got jealous. I really apologize!" He's so sweet usually and has a little lisp, so you know that the punishment for his outburst was minimal. Just kidding! I don't discriminate like that...it just wouldn't be right. I beat him up like I do with all the kids when they talk smack...

#2- For whatever reason, many of my students have a hard time pronouncing my name. 99% of them are Hispanic, and therefore turn my name into Barcos ("boats" in Spanish), Vargas, Vasquez, and many other versions. I've already explained to them that they can just call me "Miss B" if they are having a hard time. The same kid from #1 (see above) was calling me "Miss B" today and decided it was too plain. Now if you've heard of the group G-Unit, you will understand the next part: He decided to start calling me Miss B-Unit. Needless to say I nipped that in the bud, but I was secretly laughing a lot inside. (That's the hard part about this age group...they are hilarious and you can't let them know that all the time or they get cocky and walk all over you...)

#3- This is my favorite from the day. Every day my students have to write a journal entry first thing. Today's question was, "What's something that really bugs you?" They usually need an example (they are learning English), so I shared that something that bugs me. I have a neighbor that keeps his dog outside all night and it barks all the time, especially arouond 3AM when sleep is most precious. So I explained this to the kids and said, "It's not something that's going to ruin my life- I just don't like it. There's nothing I can really do about it, and I think I'll be ok." One of my 6th grade students raises his hand and in all seriousness we had this conversation:

Student: Miss Bercos, I know what you can do to make him be quiet at night!
Me: Really, what's that?
Student: Just give him some hot wings.

I asked him to qualify his answer and he could explain nothing, but this kid is convinced that if I feed my neighbor's dog hot wings, all my problems will go away:) I love it.

All these things aren't particularly hilarious, but because we have so much craziness going on in our school (kids peeing their pants, kids pooping their pants, kids doing things in class that I won't even mention here...yes JR. HIGH KIDS!), I really have to celebrate the things that make me laugh at least a little.

Another great quote came from my father, the wise old sage known to my friends as "Johnny B." (his name is Mike...no, there's no connection). We were talking tonight, and out of nowhere he says, "I like to go that that Bass Pro place and just sit on the bench and watch the fish swimming. It's very relaxing." I ask him, "When do you do this?" To which he replies, "On the way home from work usually. I can't really buy any clothes there because my arms are too long, but I do love those fish!" Wow, Dad...neat! In case anyone was wondering why I'm so strange, I think we've found the answer!

Peace in the Middle East, I'm out for the night. Time to go watch the Sox choke again! (Good thing I'm a Cubs fan...oh wait...)

Beloved Belovedness

2005-10-10T23:02:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry...does it get any cuter? This is a picture the lovely Kristin Tucker sent me this evening of her and her greatest-thing-since-sliced-bread boyfriend, Josh. They got to see each other this weekend, and being that he's in KC and she's in BUFU Kentucky, that's pretty special. They both may read this, so I have to be careful what I say, but let's just say I like what we have going on here.

I have heard about Josh for years now. He's been the ever-present "remember that one guy?" person that best friends bring up once in awhile. There's been many, many changes in their relationship over the years. In May I got the inkling that things would be changing in a big way, although TK was far from being able to see it; or if she could see it, she couldn't say it. I guess that's what friends are for. Needless to say, things changed big time! In August, I had the privelege of meeting Mr. Josh Fillingham face to face. He tried to shake my hand and was thinking something along the lines of "brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug!" and so I made him hug me instead. I mean, we're not brothers, but if he means something to Kristin, he means something to me. The first thing he experienced of me was a photo-journal (taken on my camera phone) of my range of emotions on the drive down to Springfield (at TK's parent's house where we were meeting). This might have freaked any good man out, but Josh sat patiently and listened to all my dramatic nonsense with good humor and patience (two things I hear that are not always easy to have with me...). I think he might have even geniunely thought I was funny, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Something was different about Josh though.

As almost all my friends are married, I've gone through the "getting to know the significant other" process quite a few times. This is usually fun, but can often times be disenchanting. The problem is that so many guys, being so enamored with their leading lady, fail to make any serious effort to get to know their leading lady's friends, even though they are a big part of their life. Josh was so very different in this respect. Now I think we all know that Josh was in Springfield that weekend to be with his beautiful girl Kristin- there's no question there. It was so great though, because unlike so many other guys in this situation, he made me feel like he actually wanted to get to know me, cared about who I am as a person, and wanted to have a free-standing friendship with me that went beyond "I'm Kristin's boyfriend and you're her best friend, so I guess we have to be friends." I had a blast hanging out with the two of them. As I said, I had heard so much about him for years that it was so great to finally be able to see the real deal in action. And I was blown away.

I loved the way he treated her. I loved the way he talked to her, and the way he talked about her every time we had a second alone. I loved the way he read to her at night, and the way he protected her with the purity and love of his heart.

He left a day or two before I did, and as he pulled away TK asked me, "So...what do you think?" In complete surprise to myself and to her, I burst into tears! She looked at me like I was ridiculous, and I told myself that I was being ridiculous, but it didn't stop me from crying. I can't tell you exactly what I said standing there in her kitchen, but I can tell you what I was thinking. They were tears of joy and relief, hope fufilled and exceded expectations. Some may disagree, but there's a hope in most of us girls that someday we'll get pulled in from the rain and find ourselves in the shelter of someone amazing who knows us and loves us even more than we dare to dream. The only thing that may rival having this happen to ourselves is watching it happen to someone we love so dearly; someone who is quite possibly an extension of who we are. I am, to say the least, overjoyed...

I didn't intend on writing all this just because of a picture, but I guess that goes to show how I really feel. Here's to Kristin and Josh...

Those were the days...

2005-10-09T22:45:00.000-05:00

Who remembers Booyah's Eve? No, it wasn't a costume party...we (the hottie 5th street girls of the 2001-2002 school year) simply decided to dress up like fools because we were that awesome. I wish I had the picture with the guys upstairs too, because I'm pretty sure Brad's wearing a coconut bra, Beckner's wearing a fro and a kitchen wall clock around his neck, and Jim looks like an early 20th century Italian immigrant. If only! I was just looking for another picture to practice with and this is the first one I came across. Enjoy! (I'm wearing the couch pouch...how could this not have been fun?!?)

Exciting news!

2005-10-09T14:45:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but I think I might have figured out how to put a picture on here! Yes! More to come my friends! In the mean time, let's all get excited about water lilies!!!
(Yeah, it's definitely just a file picture from my computer...)

One More Thing

2005-10-09T02:31:00.000-05:00

One last thing before I go to bed. I came across something today that I really enjoyed reading, and I thought I would share it with you all. So my brother might hate me for this, he might never know, or he might know and not care (I'm imagining choice #3). But he posted this on his own blog and I wanted to share it because I LOVE the way he writes. For those unaware, the "Neruda" he speaks of is Pablo Neruda, an amazing Chilean author with whom any Spanish major (or random Latin American Lit. lover like me) would love to share a brain. Except for the fact that he was a communist. That might be a divisive factor. But if we are talking of his writing (and what else counts in this forum?) then the man was amazing...and I understand my brother's frustration...

Concluding "Veinte Poemas de amor, y una cancion desesperada"

You’ll have to pardon me tonight, Neruda,
But I’m finished.
I’m done pouring over your words,
Tracing the perfection of their weave and hating myself
Because I cannot make my words sing like your versos mas tristes,
Verses so sad indeed that they flood my heart with ice water,
And buckle my knees if I think of them in stride.

I cannot transcribe the silence of evening
Nor the perfection of a floating bumblebee.
But things such as these you capture in words,
And as I read them I throw my hands in the air,
Half in celebration, half in disbelief.

I have often wondered how it was you learned
The perfection of your craft.
It could have been practice,
But as I sit here now, having intended to write to a poem,
I am almost certain you were born with it.

I have been patient, dear Neruda,
But I cannot go any farther.
I am weak, for as much as
I praise your gift, I covet it more.

My response to him:

Neruda's life was filled with many things I would never wish on you, not the last of which is a strong communist viewpoint (ha). All politics aside, he was an amazing writer. That statement doesn't really need to be made. But as far as people that I have met (and I have met quite a few), you are the best Neruda around. Our words are only as futile as we make them be. You can be satisfied by a meager attempt, albeit meager, if it gets you closer to saying what you mean and making that known. You, my dear brother, do that better than any one else I have ever met. It is only your genious that leaves you dissatisfied with your masterpieces. That's the only danger I fear for you...that you will never know how far-reaching your words are. That is something of which you can never be convinced...you will believe it or you won't. Usually the best never come to believe it, and that is why they keep on writing. Perhaps then, it's best to keep you in the dark:)

Tired Me

2005-10-09T02:20:00.000-05:00

OK, so my plan of staying in for the night went south. I ended up going bowling with 2 of my new co-workers, and then we all ended up at a sketchy sports bar. It was really fun, except for the fact that we are all old beyond our years and tired... AND that ironically, in an attempt to go out together and enjoy each other's company outside the presence of jr. high kids, we ended up in a lane next to, let's see...a MILLION jr. high kids! We just had to laugh- we made it through. It was actually somewhat entertaining, and perhaps even educational. There were some girls that kept repeating the strangest dance move I have ever seen. I don't claim to be on "the inside" as far as hot dance moves go, so I'm not sure I'm a great judge. This move, however, looked like a gorilla being raised from the dead that proceded to shake it's arms and rear end in slow yet wild fashion with the head hanging down. We thought it was just one girl being weird at first, but then we noticed a lot of them doing this. Am I describing a new dance craze that I just haven't heard about yet? If this thing has a name besides the "Ape Drape" (also a moniker for a mullet) please let me know. I need to be somewhat on the inside so my kids think I'm cool.

Can I just say I'm thankful for my new job? I'm sure many reading this have heard many complaints (or will in the future) about how much work it is, and how rough some of my students are, yada yada, but I am so thankful. Aside from actually enjoying my job itself, for the first time after college, I'm working with people that not only can I tolerate, but that I actually love being around. There are 4 of us ages 22-24 that started at this school new this year, and we just hit it off from day one. I know for a lot of people that might not be a big deal, but I have suffered through so many jobs with people that were SO unpleasant and difficult to work with that I almost have come to expect it. I just wanted to say that I feel so blessed to have people around to brighten my day and with whom to share the pure joy of weekends. I don't think any of them will go down in history as my BFF, but I never asked for that. I already have that. I just asked for some companionship, and I got it, so thanks Lord! I have noticed that I spend a LOT of time complaining about the things that are going wrong in my life (because they currently seem numerous) and I really don't think enough about how much I have been given (which is also a whole lot). That perhaps is a bit of a cliche; a pattern we all fall into a some point or another. That's fine, but it's still important for me to recognize it in myself and to try to call myself out on it when I can.

I think that's all for now. It's almost 2:30, and I have to be up early to get Grandma June to church. Peace.

Happy Hands

2005-10-08T18:20:00.000-05:00

Hello friends. I decided to use appropriate punctuation this time because I know it gets really old to read everything without any capital letters. It's a struggle, I'll be honest, but I will try to do this at least once in a while. Another challenge in typing right now is that I can't really feel my fingers. I just stood outside for 15 minutes to talk to TK because my cell phone is lame-o and doesn't work in my house. Talking to TK is worth it, and it hasn't been a problem to be outside for the last 6 months, but we dropped 40 degrees in temperature in one night. So 40 degrees isn't that cold, but after it being 80 the day before, if feels freaking freezing. My hands are starting to warm up (slightly) now...I just might be able to keep this up!

Anyway, speaking of hands, I'm in a sign language class right now. It's on Monday nights, and we've only had one so far, but it was fun. If anyone wants to know how to "sing" B-I-N-G-O in sign language, I'm your go-to person. I wish I could show you the sweet moves right here, but there's just no way for me to translate that into words. Needless to say, it looks awesome and really, what could be more useful that knowing how to sign a song about a farmer and his dog? I mean, in an emergency, as someone who can't hear is trying to communicate with me, I'll just sing them the song to appease their worries. I won't know what they need, but at least I'll put a great song in their heart. I used to know a lot of sign language, but I have forgotten most of it as I have not used it in about 10 years. Plus, I learned English sign, and the real language of deaf people evidently is ASL, which I am now learning. I find that I have to unlearn somethings first and then relearn then in this new method. It's really fun though. There's a deaf janitor at my school who is the nicest guy, but feels he can't talk to us because he can't hear. He has a voice and can read our lips, but was always hesitant to do so. I'm taking the class with fellow teacher, and when we told him about it, he really changed. He's our tutor now and it seems that now he knows that we are trying to do our part, he feels more comfortable doing his. We're not taking the class just for him, but I know he thinks it's neat that we are trying to communicate with him better. I knew he was nice before but now that I can understand him a little bit better, I'm learning that he's really funny. It's great to have someone around to help us learn better too. It's so fun! I'll be sure to update everyone on what sweet tune I can sign after this week's class...

OK, so my hands are freezing again because I had to go outside to talk again. Brooke, one of my best friends who just had a baby, called me. I might be going to see her little girl Aislynn for the first time on Monday! We don't have school because it's Columbus Day, and since she's only 2 1/2 hours away, it could totally work. I am in awe of the fact that someone who is so close to me is now a mother. My friends getting married no longer freaks me out. I'm not sure it ever did, but if there was a time when that happened, it's over. It's even expected at this point. But babies? That's a whole new world! I feel like such a kid myself most of the time, I can't even imagine taking on the responsibilty of a little life right now. But that's the beauty of God putting us where we're supposed to be I guess. Brooke is going to be an amazing mother, I know that for a fact. It's just in her blood and there's nothing greater that she could be doing right now. Me, on the other hand...oh no...not now. Of all the infinite knowledge of the Lord, one of those pieces of information is that now would NOT be a good time for me to be responsible for anyone but myself. There's just so much for me to work on right now...it will keep me busy for quite some time I imagine. And maybe, just MAYBE at the end of all of that, then will come the time for a family of my own. We'll just have to wait and see...

Well, it's Saturday night (and I ain't got nobody...) - just a song lyric, but true. Maybe not. Not if you count the sweet night ahead of me with my puppy and my mom. I went out last night until 3am, and it did me in. I'm too old for this stuff, for real! Anyone I lived with in college can attest to the fact that sleep wasn't that important to me, and that I could survive, and perhaps even thrive without much of it. Not now. One night out on the town and I'm ready to sit on the couch again. And that's WITH a nap today! Anyway, I'm off to a hot evening of whatever's on HBO and playing fetch with my beast of a dog, Bella. She's sweet but a handful. When I figure out pictures and all that stuff, I'll put one of her on here. Then you'll love her as much as I do. Peace to all, and to all a good night.

ps- I saw that Sara [used to be Hadler insert new married last name here] left me a comment. How are you doing? Where are you? Tell me about your life!

ship quotes

2005-10-04T16:58:00.000-05:00

I have received two quotes recently that I like. They both have to do with ships. I don't have a particular thing for ships, but I have a particular thing for ship quotes evidently. I thought I'd share them...

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."
– Grace Murray Hopper

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship."
-Louisa May Alcott

Louisa May Alcott also is known for the following quote:

"Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say No when they mean Yes, and drive a man out of his wits for the fun of it."

True, but it has slightly outdated wording. It's not about a ship, but that's ok. Would anyone like to share a favorite? Being a teacher, I literally almost just typed out "please raise your hand." Yikes! I really DO take this stuff home with me. If only my kids would take more of what we do home with THEM...oh well...asi es la vida. But for real...share a quote with me if you would. I love to see what you love (or like at least). To clarify, anything you share does NOT have to be about a ship. That's just extra credit. All entries welcome.

i got comments!!!

2005-10-02T13:44:00.000-05:00

i just thought i would create a special post to celebrate my first comments. how appropriate that they were from two such wonderful people. thank you, tk and josh, for "christening" my new world. i'll never forget you! (don't worry, i wouldn't be able to even if you HADN'T been my first posts...)
love to your brother,

bercos

a comment i wrote on tk's blog

2005-10-01T22:18:00.000-05:00

here's something that i posted as a comment on tk's page yesterday. now everyone else can know what i'm thinking about too:

so yeah...refining is neat. i was watching a calm ocean scene on tv the other night and thought, "why can't i be a rock on the beach? that way my refinement would come as gentle waves that just wash back and forth and gradually leave a smoother surface." it appears that it wouldn't be too painful, and not too drastic, at least not immediately. the waves might even feel nice, and i would appreciate the new look over time. but i would be a rock. do i desire to be a rock over being gold? the waves seem so much easier than fire and flames that burn and refine, and because of that i think i have settled on living like a rock for a time. a small wave is easy, but flames terrify me. i feel like i'm at a place where i can choose what this time will be for me. i can sit by the sea and be whittled away into nothing, or i can leap back into the flames and become something so much more precious than i am today. i feel like there's something else to say, but i guess that's what it comes down to. i sit, or i jump. i'll let you know what happens...

the new girl

2005-10-01T13:25:00.000-05:00

i think this just might work this time. i know you all have been at this for years, but i'm kinda slow with this...and maybe some other things too, but let's not get into that. anyway, don't expect anything fancy for awhile, like pictures, links, or anything else that might represent technological know-how. i just don't have any. so, my friends, be content with this for now!

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